A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear Canadian posters of SJ,
Happy Canada Day.

 

Dear Life,
Could you please suck a little less right now?

It sure would make things better if you did.

KY

 

Dear World,

It is really simple to operate an elevator. When you desire to use an elevator, you press a button for the direction you want to go. When the elevator comes to your floor and the door opens, you wait a second for anyone to come out, and then check to see which direction the elevator is headed. If it is going to the direction you desire, you enter the elevator, hit the button for the floor you'd like to go to, pay attention as the elevator moves to see which floor it is at, and get off when it arrives at your desired floor.

You do NOT hit both direction buttons while waiting on an elevator and wonder aloud why it's going up when you wanted to go down. Because you hit the up button, nimrod, and got on. And guess what? It's going to stop at the floor you were on when it goes back down, because you hit the down button on that floor!

You do NOT rush into an elevator as soon as the door opens and act perplexed that there might be someone so daring as to get off on that floor and cross your entrance path to the elevator.

You do NOT get onto an crowded elevator when you see it's going in the direction you do not desire (going up when you want to go down) and then announce you'll just ride along. This elevator is plenty crowded with 15 people; it did not need a 16th person to "go along for the ride."

You do NOT press the door open button on the elevator when the doors are closing just because you saw a person walking down the hall 50 feet away and wanted to see if the wanted to ride on the elevator.

You do NOT yell for someone to hold the elevator when you're 50 feet away from it and the doors are closing -- it is not your personal property to ride, you can wait like everyone else.

You do NOT bury your face in your phone while on the elevator, blindly walk out onto a floor when the elevator opens, realize you're on the wrong floor, stick your hand in the way of the closing door, and reenter the elevator, thus causing a useless delay to everyone on the elevator.

And most importantly, when you're a healthy individual and only need to go up/down one or two floors, you can WALK ON THE STAIRS and NOT use an elevator designed for handicapped people and people moving freight.

And a personal preference -- you do NOT need to share every inane detail of your life to a complete stranger on the elevator. Most likely, they don't care.

Thanks,
SFIND

 

Dear SFIND,

You wrote this while stuck on a elevator I take it?

~Spike

 

Dear higher power,

Let me be more appreciative of the good things in my life (which outweigh the bad).

Thanks,
wicked

 

Dear Board,
Being awake at 6 a.m. having not slept in 18 or so hours sucks.

KY

 

Dear SFIND,

I have no idea who you are. Nor do you know who I am.

But I love you nonetheless.

Sincerely,

Liesntx

 

Dear Find.

My bad.

SID

 

Dear hondo,

Why are you so angry?
I feel like we could be friends. And after that, you could thank me.
Maybe all you need is a hug or a solid spanking.
I'm probably not the guy for that. Maybe try Manky.

Sincerely,

Versatile.

 

Dear Readers,

Thanks for the fan mail. I particularly enjoyed how you specifically praised my work while pointing out decisions made by others which I also oppose.

I have forwarded your comments to the proper bosses... not that I expect anything to change.

At least somebody -- with a subscription! -- is still paying attention.

PaperDoll :-*
print survivor

 

Dear soon to be Ex-Mrs. Stain,

I'm relieved that you want out of the marriage. I'm happy that you've found someone else. I would have preferred you did it in the opposite order, even though your revelation is not a surprise and you suck at hiding things.

Friendlily,
Rick

 

Dear Rick,

Now you can, instead of just saying you would.

(Trying to make you smile. Sorry to hear you got done dirty. But you're better off without her, long run.)

IJAG