A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear Dyno,
She could at least tell that "17" was part of the price.
Signed,
I have to pass six Walmarts to get to the nearest Target.

 

Dear Buck,
Sometimes you DO have to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight.
With warmest regards,
Slap P. 4428

 

Dear Slappy, is this kinda what you had in mind?

 

Dear servers,

Please don't crash again tonight.

Thanks,

SC

 

Actually mine's going to in a few minutes. Every night at 11:20 I lose contact with you guys for like 10 minutes. It's horrifying. I feel like the little girl in in the TV in Poltergeist.

 

Dear John,
I don't know where to begin. This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write.

No. This is what I meant. But yours was good too. You are a prince among hippopotamuses.

 

I knew the movie reference, just going for something different -- and funnier.

Sometimes I swing and miss.

And as you already know, I'm in line to be a king.

 

Dear Domino's,

Why aren't you open? I'm hungry.

KG

 

But Jack-in-the-Crack/Del Taco/Waffle House/Denny's I don't know if there's any of you around here. I bet if I got my lazy bum up I'd see one from the window. Man I want Subway. I think.

Sincerely,

Hungry and Bored

 

Dear area news reporter for my newspaper,

I hope you die a slow death, hopefully on your way home tonight.
Thanks for turning my divorce into a punchline for you and your dork friends in the newsroom.
Seriously, it was hilarious when my divorce became funny. Seriously.
I really, really hope you get in a car wreck tonight and if you don't, hopefully you get stuck at all the lights that are mis-timed in our city.

Yours,
Angola!

 

Dear dude being a jerk to Angola about his divorce,

You are an idiot. What the hell were you thinking? It is never funny to talk to a man that way. The more I think about it, the more I think Angola should have punched you square on your snotty little nose you freaking jerk.

Grrrrrrrrrrr,
KG

 

Dear KG;

Well said.

Platy