A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear Mystery Meat,

Your penis is smaller than the smallest cell phone.

Sincerely,

The proprietor of Me_ga. d_ik.

 

Dear Good People of the World,

For years, I was burdened with the shame of having an absurdly thunderous schlong. By the time I was 12, it was already enough to make a beef tongue look like a prawn. I quit playing sports because all the other guys would call me "Mr. Ed," "Affirmed," "Trigger" and the like.

Things only got worse during adulthood. Having to buy tailored pants and shorts was a financial hardship. Worse, every would-be intimate relationship was thwarted at first sight of my anaconda-like member. One poor young girl went into shock and to this day has yet to recover. She sits blank-eyed and mute in a mental institution and goes into fits at the sight of anything cylindrical. In an effort to engage in intercourse, I traveled to remote regions of Scandinavia, Africa and Siberia, where I managed to find a handful of giantesses who at least tried- albeit unsuccessfuly- to accomodate my freakish appendage.

All that changed when I found Dong-B-Gonetm. After just a month of taking the pills and applying topical ointments, I was down to the size of a porn star. Another month of treatment, and I was down to 8". Encouraged, I kept up the therapy and soon found myself with a standard-issue 6". But why stop there? Dong-B-Gonetm is a part of my life now. I'm down to 3-1/2" when fully erect and still going. Soon, I'll be able to think of lapping up Jennifer Aniston's whisker biscuit in public with no one being the wiser. A shrimp-like dick is on the horizon! THANKS, Dong-B-Gonetm!

 

Well, no wonder your pharmacist smiles at you when you get your prescriptions filled!

 

That's not the only thing he'd like to fill.

 

Dear lady at the Filipino restaurant,

I enjoy your food almost as much as the Korean place next door. The lumpia was nice and crispy today, and the chicken adobo was delicious as usual. Next time, though, would you be a dear and remove the bay leaves from your food before you serve it to your customers? I had to eat half the rice just to get that vile taste out of my mouth.

Culinarily yours,

Troop

 

Dear little town I'm from,

Beware, me and my old pal are both in town this week. That can only mean one thing--trouble.

Hee hee,

K

 

Dear Insomnia,

I hate you. One of these days I want to sleep normally. This is just getting completely out of hand.

K

 

kg - insomnia is your friend. embrace it. hugs, tomas

 

I do for the most part, just not at that moment.

 

Dear KG,

Insomnia is what got me out of bed at 4:48 in the a.m. to do ... well, whatever I'm doin', darlin'.

Cocka-cocka-Kaw!
Xan

 

Dear beer,

Thank you for keeping me up and watching BeerFest! Good times! Good friends! Good beer!

Good god, someone help my liver!

In appreciation,
Tommy_D

 

dear tommy, it's only beer. your liver doesn't weep until you switch over to the hard stuff. hugs, tomas ;D