A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear person who isn't answering my phone calls,

You're making my heart hurt.

Stop that.

UT

 

HEY! That's enough of the three bags O' Crap stuff, buddy.

 

Dear waitress,
I love how you bring me my food on time and all, but when you deliver my check -- it doesn't mean fuck around at every other table but mine so I can study the bill. The longer you take to come get my money/credit card to pay for the bill, the less of a tip you'll get.

 

Wel, I never unbutton my shirts, but I also never take them to the dry cleaners. I'm always thinking of others.

 

Dear neighbors in the new apartment complex,

Please quit screaming at whoever you're screaming at. I don't want to see police cars at my nice, quiet complex again this week.

Sincerely,
a nosy spup

 

Dear pallister,

I do not hate you like I hate my customers.

I am in a weirdly good mood right now, though, so my customer hate is relatively low.

UT

 

Dear pallister,

I do hate you because you're a white sox fan. That is all.

Spup

 

Dear Brent,
I'm looking live? No shit.

 

Dear slappy,

Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Sincerely,

stoob

 

And another pledge goes flying out the window.

It was funny, though.

 

Dear random person outside,

Yelling please help me and screaming like you're in trouble is probably not a good joke at midnight. I know you weren't the person yelling earlier, but I really wish you new tenants would respect the people over the age of 12.

Uncordially,
Spup