A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear body,

I hate you for making me tired at 3:30 a.m. and waking me at 7:15 a.m. and refusing to let me go back to sleep, even though I'm off today and could conceivably have slept until 6 p.m. Yet now, my eyes ache, I'm exhausted, yawning every 10 seconds...BUT YOU WON'T GO TO SLEEP!

Fuck you,

IJAG

 

dear ijag,

meth kills.


hugs and kisses,


tomas

 

Dear Forces That Be,

Why do you allow me to fall asleep at 1:30 in the a.m. then awake at 3:30 in the a.m. and not let me fall back to sleep? Glen Beck at 4 in the a.m. in a half-groggified state of awake can be amusing, but c'mon, Forces That Be, I need sleep sometimes. Is it my fault for going to the gym at 10 p.m.?

Yours in tiredness,
Xan

 

Dear Angola!

That's what friends are for and I actually did get to sleep about an hour after he left. If you ever get over this way, I'll be glad to buy you a beer.

Sincerely,
Tommy_D

 

Dear self,

Eat before you go the DMV next time.

Love,

Your stomach

 

Dear future little t_b_f,

You had your first photo taken today. You looked a little wierd, sort of like a big cashew, and your little heart was flickering wildly on the scratchy black-and-white monitor at 169 beats per minute -- perfectly normal, according to the photographernurse. She and the doctor disagreed on when you're arriving. The nurse said January 26, while the doctor said January 28. I told them the exact date wasn't important, and your mom and I would be ready before the last week of said month. So, by now you're almost into the 10th week of development. You've caused your mother to be quite sick, of late. You shouldn't do such a thing.

We've glanced at furniture for you, and wow, that stuff's expensive. Pops has gotta start saving if you're gonna have that nice bed your mother was eye-balling. I'll have to rely on the few sportswriters I know (slappy, HijeraHenry, djc [but we don't want you to go to Moo U], Ryan Sonner, et al) to get you that full-ride to play ball at The University. You know, I'll make sure they get your name in the paper at least twice each week during your high school years. Car seats and strollers were also a bit pricey -- well above 100 smackers each. We did find this interesting combo deal, however -- a car seat that attached to a stroller frame. It looked pretty cool, but I told your mother it looked like an awful lot of work. EVERY time you go somewhere, you'd have to strap-in/unstrap the car seat. Sounds like too much work to your lazy old man.

You take care of yourself, in there, and try not to make your mother so sick.

We'll check back with you in a few weeks,

Dad

 

Signing off like that had to be a trip, huh?

 

Oh, yeah. I don't know whose heart was beating faster during the ultrasound, mine or his/hers.

 

Dear Target employees,

You rock as co-workers!

Thanks,
Spup

 

Dear Spup,

Was that sarcasm? I know the blue font wasn't employed, but I was just wondering.

Sincerely,
Tommy_D

 

Dear SportsJournalists.com,

Who's throwing T_B_F a baby shower?

Thanks,

SC

 

Dear T-D,

Nope. We are moving into a brand new Super Target this weekend and it's amazing. The people who have come to help (for the most part) are amazing. It gives me hope for the company after the few I've experienced who are ridiculously snotty.

Spup.