A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Interesting. I'll not start a campaign for its demise just yet, but am trying to respect that the mods aren't fans of the "message board" style of threads.

You, though, are a good man as well, and I'll take your thoughts into consideration.

 

Dear Drivers,

When driving up the on-ramp to the interstate, please remember that when you meet traffic on the actual highway, it helps if you're going the same speed as they are so you can merge right in. Driving 35 as you ease onto the interstate only endangers lives, especially if I'm behind you because I'm actively seeking a Stinger missile so I can fire a round straight through your rear window if you don't speed up.

Thanks,

AlleyAllen

 

Dear United States Marine Corps honor guard and firing squad:

You are the BEST!

Sincerely,

Platy

 

Dear Serena Williams,

Please beat that foul, evil creature tomorrow.

Thank you,

Sportschick and Stan.

 

Dear Sportschick,
You do know that the new photo in your sig was taken when the subject had not yet reached the age of consent, don't you?

Yours most Cougarly,

Mary-Kay Letourneau

 

Dear Arizona Wildcats,

Please win tonight. I will not be happy if Tennessee sweeps you tonight and tomorrow.

Regards,

the other UT

 

Dear M-K L,

So what's your point?

Toodles, SC.

 

Dear Mary Kay,

He's been legal for years in England

Love,

SC

 

Dear Sportschick and Stan,
Please don't talk that way about my sister. She's not foul.

Love,
Serena

 

LJB,

Please do not be inconsiderate to my sister.

Thanks,
t_b_f

 

Dear Texas Rangers and Chicago Cubs,
It saddens me that y'all are sucking more tool than the South Grand Prairie drill team on prom night.

Dear Boston Red Sox,
Your fine play eases my aforementioned sadness.

Dear Aggressive Assholes Driving Huge, Loud Trucks,
Perhaps you don't have a tiny peepee, but the vehicle you drive and, more significantly, the way you drive makes it appear so. Your engine-revving and reckless driving is annoying at best, dangerous at worst. Keep the tank-sized truck if you actually need it for your job (I'm guessing this is the case for .05% of you, judging how most of your vehicles have nary a scratch). But please, for the sake of your life and those around you, obey traffic laws.

Dear attractive woman at lunch today,
Your case of THO single-handledly made me in a much, much better mood and resulted in a ripple effect of good will and positive energy at my workplace for the rest of the afternoon.

Dear soldiers,
Hope you're back soon.

Dear Cowboy Dude with moustache and sleeveless shirt,
You look gay.

Dear Ducks,
You may not have the Stanley Cup.

 

Dear writing irish --

I saw a great T-shirt today.

It read: "Ninjas and Pirates agree: Cowboys are gay."

Sincerely,

Zeke