A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear Massachusetts State Police,

Please pull your cruisers off of the Pike for the hours of 2-5 p.m. today. It's been a week and a half since I've seen her and I'm not sure my foot will come off the gas pedal.

Sincerely,
MertOverAnxious

Dear Eastbound commuters on the Mass Pike during the hours of 2-5 p.m. today.

Get the fuck out of my way.

Love,
Mert

 

sweet home massachusetts. where the skies are so blue.

 

Dear people I work for at the cleaners,

I know you're upset that I'm quitting. In fairness, it's not like I shut the door and walked out. I realize I didn't give you two weeks, but I did give you eight days.

Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim. Shooters gotta shoot.

UT

 

Dear UTshooter.

Way to go. Good for you.

Platy.


Holding subject, rush reply

 

Dear Platy,

In answer to your previous question, sure I'll swing by. Be ready to hop in as I slow down, because I'm a girl in a hurry.

UT

 

Dear Mr. Golf Course Water Cooler Filler-Upper,

You do an amazing job. You keep us Southern guys and gals adequately hydrated on many'a hot, sticky day. Like yesterday, when I was on your lovely links.

But, please, before you lock the little cabinet in which your cooler is placed, please remove all wasp nests.

Sincerely,

t_b_f

 

Dear HBO,

C'mon, not even a little hint or preview of The Soprano's finale? I'm dying here!

Your fan,
Widow

 

Dear gas station attendant,

I know it's self service, but could you empty the garbage cans when stuff is spilling out the top? There is no place for my Venti Hazel Nut Macchiato cup.

And what is that liquid the squeegee thing is sitting in? Could you change it annually perhaps?

Lastly, keep some receipt paper in the pay-at-the-pump thing. Don't make me come in there.

Thanks a bunch,

Ace

 

Dear Mert,

Pardon my eye rolling.

Love,
LiveStrong

: : : : : : : :

 

Dear Ess Jay Dot Com,

Since tomorrow is my last day at my paper, could the various and sundry respected posters of this message board send me pictures of the lovely Sarah Chalke. If I am Popeye, she is the spinach that makes me go.

It would be a most welcome going-away gift.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

Sincerely,

Hockeybeat

 

Dear Hockeybeat,

Where the hell are you going? Just couldn't appreciate walking the hallowed grounds of Yankee Stadium afterall? Hope it's a step up.

Write-Brained

PS. Some Sarah Chalke in a bra.

http://www.dougweb.org/images/blog/SarahChalke.jpg

 

Dear lady I was stuck behind while attempting to make a left turn today,
I know your phone call was very important. So important, it didn't matter to you that three 18-wheelers could have turned left, yet you kept waiting for the perfect hole in traffic where you would be the only one on the road, even though you are driving a Miata and could have just gassed it and been out into traffic in no time.
Also, next time, when you finally do decide to turn, don't just turn into the suicide lane - which you could have done 15 times in the previous 5 minutes - it nearly caused me to have a coronary while I was yelling at you out my window and honking non-stop.
You stupid bitch.

Yours,
Angola!