A Very SJ.com Thanksgiving

I don't know how many siblings you have but when my mother got older, we didn't let her near the kitchen.

Thanksgiving was always at her place but each of us (there's 6 other jr's) would be responsible for a dish or a course.

 

I love my grandmother, but I don't want to eat turkey that remembers when I was a toddler. I don't think she's ever watched Futurama, but I think she thinks the freezer is a cryogenic tube in which nothing ever ages or gets freezer burn. But she's at the age and condition where she doesn't do as much cooking. It's sad in that regard, because she used to be a wonderful cook (her pineapple upside-down cake was a slam dunk every time), but on the other hand, at least I know the salad dressings have ingredients that haven't been banned yet.

 

I think we're actually having a wiener roast.

 

Did I mention they'll be bringing their kids, too?

22 people at our house. I'll volunteer to make the vegetable tray and maybe even wash the dishes. But this is a year I wish I was on the road covering a game.

 

Invite your favorite SID to dinner... then you'll be glad you aren't covering a game.

 

I'm convinced people fall asleep after eating turkey because it's such a goddamn boring food. Boring, blah, tasteless, eat-til-you're-full-but-not-satisfied food.

Or maybe I've just been ruined because my mother, bless her, is the junior varsity of cooks--she tries really hard but has a limited ceiling--and because my wife's grandmother, who hosts Thanksgiving every year, cooks us turkey every damn time we go there and cooks it so long that it's dryer than dirt.

I'd much rather eat ham. That's why I enjoy Xmas so much. Because it's all about the ham. IT'S NOT ABOUT HAM YOU FAT FUCK!!!!

 

Sweet potatoes are more closely related to squash than potatoes.

 

No mention of wild rice?

Wild rice (the real stuff, not the stuff you buy in the store) and fresh mushrooms -- it's a must for a Rosie family Turkey Day.

And turkeys were meant to be cooked in a Weber kettle -- it's the only way I'll fix them and they come out awesome -- never, ever dry!

Homemade pumpkin pies with real whipped cream for dessert.

 

Well, now we have one thing in common.

I must go kill myself now.

 

Sweet potato pie with sweet potatoes from Sweet Potato Sweets in Vardaman, Miss.

To die for.

 

Coming this week to SportsJournalists.com: "Crossed Giblets of Death 2: Second Helpings"

'Darling, how wonderful of you to have Thanksgiving again, after last year's disturbance, you could not have known about Lou's allergy to pomegranate seeds, really that was so clever, pomegranate seeds in the stuffing, a few cortisone shots and he was able to open his eyelids again after a week or two! I wonder, dear, did the pilgrims have pomegranates back then, I would be surprised if they did, maybe your caterer knows better, I really don't know! And how smart of you to cater Thanksgiving, you girls really know how to take care of things, in my day when I had the family, I cooked for weeks, of course you're so busy, with that good sports job, I'm always telling my friends at Mahjong, no, she is NOT a lesbian, just really likes sports! I even showed them that great picture of you and that nice Catholic republican on the beach, they seemed very impressed, what a nice man, is he still Catholic, dear? Yes, well, that's so open-minded of you...and republican too, what interesting conversations you must have! Does he like kugel, dear?'

 

I agree... except for sweet potato pie. Wow!