Airlines I have flown

And Republic was eventually purchased by Northwest in the mid-80s.

 

Only the weird:

Aeroflot
Aerokuznetsk
Air America
Too many "charters" to remember

Shout out to Braniff and PanAm

 

If you've worked at the Minneapolis airport as a wheelchair attendant - four months after graduating college - under the direction of a senile racist, your opinion of the place would be a bit different. We fly Sun Country a lot these days, but maybe not for long as their main sugar daddy is in federal prison awaiting trial on various financial misdeeds. Love them because it used to be like 70 bucks to upgrade to First Class, and it goes from Humphrey terminal, which has to be one of the easiest terminals in the country to get in and out of.

South African Airways is probably the most exotic one on my list. They play a cartoon that shows you how to buckle your seatbelt and what to do in case of an emergency. It even has a few sort-of-dirty parts: cartoon man looking at big-breasted woman whose luggage falls on his head. And during the flight they play an unending spool of some British TV prank show, which had everyone almost literally rolling in the aisles (you think watching people get duped into believing they've stepped in poop is funny on the ground, watch it at 35,000 feet). People also cheered when the plane made a successful landing, but I'm told that thankfully has more to do with South Africans taking pleasure in being home than a comment on the plane's capability.

 

When did you fly TWA? Or US Air? Or United?

We flew Texas International when we moved back to Milwaukee from Dallas. Anyone who lived in Dallas in the late 70s/early 80s would remember the big blue Lone Star on the tail of their jets.

I think Continental absorbed them shortly after we flew back home.

 

TWA: Minneapolis to Cincinnati with a five hour layover in St. Louis, 1998
US Air: Milwaukee to Cleveland, 1989
Cincinnati to Albany with a layover in Philly, 2001
United: Madison to Cleveland, 1991

 

Here's an airline I've flown for the f------g LAST time: US Airways.

I'm following the rules this morning and not boarding until they call my zone (4). Now, after everyone in zones 1-3 boards, there are only three people left who haven't gotten on the plane. And, of course, they insist that I check my luggage instead of carrying it on. The gate agent doesn't want to hear my, "I'll put it under the seat in front of me." And they won't gate-check it and get it back to me after the first leg of my flight; they insist on checking it to my final destination.

So, not only do I have to waste time waiting for my luggage at my final destination, but the mother---------s don't get the bag on my connecting flight. It gets delivered to me six hours after I land.

I want this airline out of business so much!

 

Ah. I didn't think I was on any of those flights.

Z-Man and I also flew in a Cessna/Piper kind of six-seater from Burlington, Wis. to Indianapolis in the late 80s. We all got to "fly" the plane and when Z-Man, then maybe 10 years old, got his turn, he pushed on the wheel and we went into a very brief dive.

Z-Man and I also rode on the defunct Pepsi Blimp over the Indy 500 parade in 1988. I was soooo tempted to throw a piece of gum out the window.

 

US Airways
Piedmont
Eastern
Continental
Northwest
Air Tran
United
American
Delta
Express Jet (which has recently gone out of business, dammit)
Qantas
Air New Zealand
Aloha Air
KLM
Swiss Air
British Airways
Air Mexico
America West
Alaskan Air
Value Jet
People Express


ahh, memories

 

My list is pretty standard, so I will just give the BTExpress Awards for the notable ones I've flown or experienced.

Best: Singapore Airlines

Worst: Aeroflot

Bargain: Allegiant (direct flight from Fort Lauderdale to Knoxville at Christmas for $260).

Fuck you very much: Air France (made a mistake on my fiancee's dog's boarding pass, forcing her to stay overnight in Paris and arrive in the USA a day late . . . forced her to pay $80 for a "transit visa" because retrieving her dog between flights in Paris constituted "entering the country" . . . and upon arrival in Miami, one of her pieces of luggage looked like it had been attacked with a machete).

 

AirTran
Aloha
Piedmont
Allegheny
US Air (& ways)
America West
American
Braniff
Continental
Delta
Eastern
Jet Blue
National
Northwest
Republic
Southwest
TWA
ValuJet
United

Air France
Icelandic
Laker
Lufthansa
LuxAir

Neither best nor worst airport, but certainly most interesting layover: Reykjavik. Traveling to Europe with a handful of friends, and stuck beyond the usual brief layover because of mechanical issues. In the airport stores, we bought a bottle of Black Death vodka and a porn novel whose author had obviously been paid by the word. While body parts were all profit centers for the writer (e.g., empurpled pillar of manhood), every orgasm was represented by only one word: "AARRRRGGGHHH". We sat on the floor, passed the vodka around, and took turns reading aloud. Your turn reading ended when you hit an "AARRRRGGGHHH". Good times.