Alcoholic Wife. The breaking point.

Weird weekend so far. I would not recommend going through the start of a divorce more than once.

Just practical stuff.

Sleeping on the couch.
The slow decoupling of the finances.
No fighting this weekend. Which I welcome.
Our daughter going back and forth between joy and sorrow.
Our son rolling his eyes at the alcoholism.

Especially now as STBX is realizing that her longtime enabler (me) is chipper and happy to be getting free of this hell. I think she would rather see me miserable. But I'm not. I'm actually pretty damn happy now.

 

Just think of all the wild availability at the Barnes & Noble!

 

There is nothing you can do to crawl deeper into her wickets than be happy. She'll feed off your anger. She'll be crushed by your smiles.

 

There was nothing quite as surreal in my life as living with my ex for a month soon after she confessed to cheating. And she even still had the nerve to ask me why I was coming home late from work most nights (because I was at the bar getting shitfaced).

She was there for another two months after I moved out, which was just enough time for her to go delinquent on all of our utility bills as one last fuck-you.

 

I'm late to the party here. I don't get over here often, and had popped in to put up a video. I've read the first page only so far. Since the thread is 14 pages in and you have a pending divorce, much of what I might add has likely already been said and is moot.

First and foremost, if you are going to take care of your kids, handle the divorce and surrounding life issues and hold things in the road, you have to take care of *you*. Find some time and space to do things that make you feel better, offer decompression time and a safe place for you. It really does not matter what it is, as long you enjoy it and it gives you some time to set aside the various issues surrounding her and the divorce.

My now 33 year old son took a traumatic brain injury in a car crash as a senior in high school. Among other typical TBI problems, primarily anger management and impulse control, he's got problems with alcohol and substance abuse. He's doing at least one, often two AA meetings daily, which I drive him to as he does not have a DL. He's just over six months without a drink.

Al-Anon has helped me a lot with related issues. It gives me a tool chest to work with and people to talk to who know right where I've been and am now. It took me a long time to seriously try it, years after my wife embraced it, but eventually I hurt badly enough that I was willing to try anything. If it does not click, try a few other meetings, because the groups vary a great deal. Church may work for you, or therapy, whatever... find some sort of support for your mental status.

Work very hard to be as neutral about it as possible with your kids. They are old enough to see and understand what is going on, and they'll remember if you bend over backwards trying to be fair to her when talking to them. This is going to leave lasting damage, no doubt... so their memories of how you handle the situation will be with them for a long time. Don't lie, you can be pretty direct about it with them, just avoid victim blaming and take the high road every chance you get. There are Teen Al-Anon groups as well, if you/they think it might be of use. Al-Anon is for spouses, friends, parents, and children and grandchildren of alcoholics, but again it isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Best wishes and good luck to you all.

 

So much drama in the LBC...

Spent too long today at the hospital. She got so hammered last night that she fell over in the middle of the night and crashed into the kitchen floor. Cut her shoulder on the edge of a counter.

Took her to the ER as she needed 11 stitches. Apparently while she was there, she made some rage-filled and suicidal statements to the ER staff. She's now in the mental wing and staying there overnight.

When I went back early this afternoon, her arms were restrained as she had an IV drip.

I didn't bring the kids, of course, as I'm trying take the high road, as has been mentioned.

There is some good tonight, amid kids who are not taking this well. For one night I get to sleep in my own bed as opposed to the basement couch.

Last three nights she has consumed 7 bottles of wine. I know as I document the inventory each day when she gets home and when I leave for work.

My lawyer, as always, with a moment of levity. "She keeps this up and your legal fees won't even reach $100."

 

Lawyer probably charged $375 for that sentence.

 

Was she in restraints because she was having DTs?

 

She gonna lose her job next?

 

I'm sure you're already taking precautions against this already (and it might have already happened at some point), but be very wary when incidents like this happen. She sounds like the type that could fall down drunk and cut herself, and then say you beat her up.

 

Sound advice.

 

I think I'd get all the knives out of the house too.

She's not capable of hurting you and/or the kids, right?

Should your lawyer have the ER staff interviewed to document what she said during her rage? It's one thing to suggest suicide (which could be a lot more than a cry for help), but it's a whole other threat level if she suggested harming anyone else.

Not saying this to be nosy or an ass. Just genuinely concerned for the safety of you and your kids.

Best wishes, take deep breaths and try to practice relaxation,
Regards,
VB