Alcoholic Wife. The breaking point.

Keep your head up, man. The settlement is indeed a good one for both sides, and I hope she pulls through treatment and becomes who she needs to become for her children. Still gonna be some bumps ahead, but you've got the right attitude and a whole bunch of people you don't even know pulling for you and your kids. Onward.

 

Based on the first posts, it sounded like you had good reason to think this would go sideways. It's so great this is working out the best possible way, all things considered. You're boss sounds like a one in a million guy. Hope things keep in this track. Great news Ex

 

That is beautiful.

 

You clearly soldiered through for as many years as possible.

Not surprising she's in denial. I've found it is most like that with severe alcoholics. Prayers that she hits a bottom for her own sake - and for the kids' sake.

As a side note - one thing alcoholics also struggle to get is, after they have a glimmer of sobriety, that's not the time to get involved with someone. And yet I've seen my fair share who do anyway, because they'd become used to co-dependency (which is part of the addiction).

 

Congrats, and good luck with the rest of the process, and your new life. And hopefully she figures it out.

 

They always say that old age is not for wimps. In my experience, neither is divorce when kids are involved. Add in the issue of substance abuse and well, that's about as adult as it gets. Best wishes

 

Hi everyone! I am in the same predicament as with ex here. I am currently going through a very, very rough time. I had suspicions but could not pin-point it. Every argument becomes a shouting match where the only way to end it is for me to walk away, figuratively. Like if it was at night, I drive away and won;t comeback for hours. If it was at nigh and its the weekend. I don't come back until I get off work that Monday. I always make sure I have a set of clothes in my car. It sure is walking on egg shells, It is tough. I haven't actually grieved over my best friends untimely demise last year and now here I am facing the biggest battle of my life. And these two life-changing events are the most stressful anyone can ever experience since both these has those stress readings are on the very top. We are both in the medical field and have a 5 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. Turning point that I had to actually express to her that I will be leaving and find another place because I could not put up with it, like i had mentioned my coping and patience are wearing down and I don't want to be at that point where I had to hit back and it will be all over for me and our kids since it will be a mortal sin in the eyes of the law. I decided to because it had become so toxic that I wanted to spare and give our kids are respite from hearing and seeing their Mom just fly off the handle just like that. What is worst is she tells them, it was my fault, that I am hurting her. Not physically but I started the fight. Its hard for me to wrap my head around it, watching her do that, unremorsefully. She is a convicted child abuser, too, 2 years ago, towards my teenage son, from a different relationship, at that time by CPS. Yet, I did not hesitate to say no I will not file any charges. I was blindsided then and now, I fear for our kids. I failed to protect my son then and I intend to not to fail our little ones now, yet, my hurdle to prove that she is a full-blown functioning alcoholic is very difficult. She lies through her teeth that she was able to manipulate and convince her side of the family and friends, when I tried to reach and voice out that she needs help and has a problem. That backfired and I suffered a backlash and each and everyone shunned me. She, too, is diagnosed with manic-depressive-bipolar and has not had taken her meds since she was pregnant with out first born. I am recognizing now that I am dealing with a very abusive person, who has a mental disease and is an alcoholic. I want to proceed with the dissolution of our marriage and get custody of our kids. And that's my biggest hurdle is how do I possibly be able to do so, since she can project that she is sober even though she is buzzed ( drunk for a regular person ) having had downed at least 3 bottles of red wine in a matter of a couple of hours. I needed convincing so, I left our webcam on to just keep recording and sure enough I caught her, drinking straight up out of the bottle. And she can consume 4 to 5 bottles. With the addition of rum and or vodka, I believe when she feels so stressed. There is no constant brand but red wine definitely is her prefered alcohol to abuse. I'm seriously concerned about our kids since she takes them to school every morning and I am afraid she might just pass out while driving. I couldn't believe my eyes while I was screening through the recorded video. In denial because I wanted it in a certain way yet why is it this way? She starts from the moment she wakes up and just gobbles through, going back and forth to the kitchen cabinet under the sink. Disguised in a container and wrapped in the paper bag that comes with it when you buy it from the grocery. Checking our bank accounts, no wonder spending in the grocery alone is so high. I bet more than half of the expense comes from the alcohol purchases. Unfortunately, supermarket reciepts is not detailed to identify those. I badly need help yet knowing I do have to prove that she is addicted, because she can manipulate and simply lie. Plus the society dictates, I, as the man, is the guilty one for such accusations that I am just blaming it on her. That I should just suck it up and move on. I do want to file for a dissolution of our marriage and get custody. But without even any record not even a DUI, and with the video clips I have i don't think my case would be slam dunked. Any insights and inputs as to how do I get around this, is highly appreciated.

 

What I've learned from the last two years -- I can sum up in six words:

The next stage is ALWAYS better.

Go find the next stage. Took me years to leave. I won't say I wish I would have left earlier because I wanted to not leave the children alone with her.

 

Agree with Ex here. Just taking that first step was a huge relief for me. We were engaged, and she had a child from a previous marriage who was involved and kept me around far longer than I would have otherwise.

 

Call the cops on her when she gets behind the wheel.

 

My advice is approach this as an outsider, the proof that you're going to compile, would you find that persuasive? So ambushing her instead of letting her commit them on her own is not the best IMHO. The videos? Yes that's good.

I'm not a family law attorney but truly think about what's best for your kids and if you were in their shoes what would you want. As bad as your wife may be, she's still their mother and likely it will take a very long time for them to think of her as you do. Taking full custody may be very troubling and disruptive to them and may even result in retaliation towards you. Now if they voice something different to you, of course follow what they say. But I've seen how custody becomes the sole indicator of who "wins" and who" loses" and the only ones who lose are the kids. She is trying to poison them against you, I would urge you to stay true to yourself and not retaliate, the only thing worse is when you both fight a proxy war through your kids; that's a terrible burden for your kids to carry because you two cannot act like adults.

My best wishes to you and your kids in this unfortunate situation.