Alcoholic Wife. The breaking point.

may i interest you in old crank

 

As someone who reads legal arguments every day, yes you need to break out your paragraphs otherwise you're going to lose the judge (and his/her research attys attention) very fast.

Last bit of advice, whenever you have a phone conversation with anyone, your ex-wife, her attorney, write notes and IMMEDIATELY send off an email confirming everything said. Never rely on your memory because they will deny and you have no evidence just a phone call noted on your phone.

 

Yeah, I would like to help out, but there's no way I can get through that.

 

The difference why people get in trouble: Men are horny or angry. Women start fake blood-testing companies.

 

It's late and my eyes glazed over at those posts. Put em into paragraphs and I'm ready to read them.

I can't agree enough about not giving the ex any ammunition. When I went through my custody battle, I lived every second of my public life as if it was going to be seen in court. I assumed everything I did would be videoed by my ex's friend, mom, or loved ones and shown in court. I kept separate checks and collected receipts from every bar I visited with friends in case she tried to turn things around on me. I wasn't going to stop being an adult engaging in legal behavior, but I was going to document it in case she tried to use it against me.

I was disciplined, I was overly paranoid and I made damn sure that I did absolutely nothing that could be reasonably used against me in court. Meanwhile, she refused a breathalyzer at a court-supervised visit with my son and then failed one.

So, yeah, I won. And, frankly, there's nothing I'm prouder of in my life than what I did to win custody of my son so that I can raise him in the best environment possible and give him a chance to succeed in ways he would not have had if she were raising him.

When she finally agreed to relinquish her parenting rights, I agreed to send her a yearly update with two photos of how my son was progressing. It was made clear in the agreement that it was up to her to update the court with a current mailing address any time she moved.

Every year, I go to the court and get the address they have on file. I've now mailed five of those letters detailing the progress of my 6-year-old son. And, you know what? All five sit in a filing cabinet in my house after being returned to sender because she has not once updated the court with her address.

Alcohol, man. It's mind-boggling to me what it can do to a person, but I have five letters in a drawer that show me every day how powerful it is.

 

Thanks man! I'll do that. Just emotionally raw, y'know. I'm fighting a battle with a person I no longer know. And she's just bent on animosity.

 

Thanks man! I'll do that. Just emotionally raw. Got it. And thanks for your additional insights. I can't wait to be in that same state of the game. All I wanted from day one is to get the help she needs, instead, she had an issue with me. I will be a huge stumbling block for her booze access. Plus now, I had probably unleashed more demons inside her because I ruined her plans right from the start. Her TRO was denied. The judged denied everything and set up a custody order since they saw she had deprived me of our kids since this January, without any legal paperwork to do so. So, she falsely accused me just to get what she wants.

 

That’s rough, man. Sad. But obviously your son is in the best situation.

 

My view - I read your lengthy post as a heartfelt stream of consciousness, and yeah, it was a little difficult to parse, but the way you wrote it conveyed a bit of passion, frustration, concern, and probably a dozen other feelings all tied up into one big knotty problem.

And, you are also showing that you are methodically working through this, avoiding mistakes, taking care of yourself, seeking and listening to advice, and thus improving your chances for a more favorable outcome.

GOOD FOR YOU!

One day at a time, and every day is a blessing!

Regards,
VB

 

One other thing. You might consider giving Al-Anon a try. It's a twelve step program for the spouses/family of alcoholics and substance abusers. I never worked the twelve steps, but simply going to meetings and talking to people who understood exactly where I was helped me a lot. Meetings gave me a lot of useful tools for dealing with my pain and my abusing loved one. It might be of some help to you.

 

Thank you sir! I am pained but I do recognize that because of her addiction, I am the enemy. And all the events the happens she has the audacity to flip them around. It’s unbelievable. To think that this was the person I married. I’m having a hard time grasping but at the same time I had to fight back. I don’t know how, because she was able to have a restraining order I’m pretty much limited and she will put up a fight no matter what. This person will not back down from what I can see and will stick by all the lies that she had said.