All-Purpose Hockey Thread II

I'd rather have them playing with their toys than playing with themselves.

 

They're too dumb to play with themselves ...

(did I just type that?)

 

"I'd rather have em playin with their toys than playin with themselves."
"They're too dumb to play with themselves. Boy, every piece of garbage that comes into the league you gotta buy it."
"Reg, Reg, that reminds me. I was coachin' in Omaha in 1948 and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who was a terrible masturbator. He would get deliberate penalties so he could get over in the penalty box all by himself and damned if he wouldn't..."

 

[Referee skates over to Steve Carlson during the playing of the National Anthem]
Peterboro Referee: Got my eye on the three of you. You pull one thing, you're out of this game. I run a clean game here. I have any trouble here, I'll suspend ya.
Steve Hanson: I'm listening to the fucking song.

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Jim Carr: This young man has had a very trying rookie season, with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him, I guess that's more than most 21-year-olds can handle. Number six, Ogie Oglethorpe.

 

"Got stinkin' shitfaced on the bus. Louise left me, and that son of a bitch over there keeps playin' me when he knows I'm shitfaced."

"I'm really sorry."

"Anybody throws me against the boards, I'm gonna piss all over myself."

 

"I'm gonna wiggle it at 'em, you cheap bastard. Be prepared, because when I yank it out, everybody in that audience except my wife is gonna be runnin' for the exits."

 

Yes, ladies and gents. It's time for the regular season to resume.

 

I can't wait. I haven't seen any hitting in a hockey game since Saturday!

Why wasn't one of the Oilers' goalies in the game tonight? The three Eastern Conference goalies who played were the three who the Hurricanes beat on their way to the Stanley Cup Finals.

 

So the Cup being in Raleigh is no accident?

 

I'll have to get a ruling from Pierre McGuire.

 

Like I give a flip or less what he says.

 

Question: Why in the world would a major professional sport hold its All-Star Game on a fucking Wednesday night?