AMC's The Walking Dead

They talked about this on Talking Dead.

Remember when Governor was talking about not letting people they cared for become a walker, and to shoot such folks in the head before they turn?

It's the opposite here. Governor no longer cares for Merle, so why shoot him in the head? Why not let him become a walker?

 

But why not start a new trophy case of floating heads with Merle in the pole position and a tank awaiting Michone? Unless they have no more suitable glass tanks or the Governor has sworn off anything that can lead to shards that can lead to gouged-out eyes.

Or now, I suppose, eye.

 

No need to pussy-foot around about it. I want carnage in this finale. Without further ado, here's the Walking Dead needs to die list ...

1. Lori's Ghost -- When Lori's Ghost first made an appearance, I laughed because her outlandishly over-the-top "heavenly" gown reminded me of this ...



Why the hell would Lori be wearing a white gown anyway? Most of the time, she dressed like she just stumbled out of a Bocephus concert after giving elicit blow jobs she'll forget by morning fueled by 12 Killian's Red's that gave her the shits.

Anyway, when she appears I no longer think of Love Unlimited Orchestra, this pops to mind ...



Kill the ghost bitch. Kill the ghost bitch with fire. She is, by far, the stupidest and most unsympathetic character on a show that's produced a ton of them.

I don't care how it's done. Call a priest and power spray a water truck full of holy water in the prison. Conjure up Ghost Axel to prison rape her straight to whore hell. Whatever. Do what needs to be done. That vapid idiotic bitch haunts me.

2. Beth -- I despise her in the same way I detest the Aston Villa soccer team ... totally worthless piece of window dressing that adds absolutely nothing to the proceedings.

I've re-watched some of the older episodes during this week's marathon. What has she ever added? I've rarely seen anyone last this long on a show without having so little bearing on the plot. In comparison, she makes T-Dog's contribution appear Daniel Day Lewis-in-Lincoln-like in consequence. One of the few bright ideas Andrea had was to let her die.

One thing she does do is the singing and strumming. And it's horrid. Feed her to the walkers before she learns Tesla's Love Song. Or, gawd, Eric Clapton's Tears In Heaven. The writers are that banal. You watch.

3. The Governor -- I don't want the Governor killed because he's an evil, twisted, insane fuck ... evil, twisted, insane fucks make for great entertainment. I want him killed because he might represent one of the most obvious political allegories in the history of filmed entertainment.

From the start, he's been a walking, talking metaphor for fascism. The writers should have just dispensed with calling him the Governor and named him Il Duce or Der Fuhrer.

Woodbury? The closed fascist society where everyone looks the other way -- partly out of comfort, partly out of fear, partly out of the fear of losing comfort -- because the trains run on time. Martinez, et al, are the SS. The walkers and Rick's group are Jews/Communists that must exist to threaten their grand design and are the necessary threat that gives the Governor the ability to wield unlimited power. It's so obvious. It's so transparent. Obvious metaphors suck. Put him out of his obvious misery.

4. Allen -- What a dumb dick. Die horribly.

5. Glenn -- He used to be kind of cool, but I've really grown tired of the "love has changed/matured him" plotline. Getting married? Get bent. That, and he's also done a bunch of stupid shit, and really hasn't done much in the series since it resumed. Time to go.

6. Milton -- He just sucks. OK, so he's had a crisis of conscience. But your conscience sucks to begin with if you went along with some obvious insane Governor shit long before Rick's group ever came on the scene. If the Governor is Hitler, than Milton is Rudolph Hess flying to the UK in the middle of the war. Throw his Starcraft-playing ass in Spandau Prison with a bunch of walkers and be done with him.

7. Rick -- Watching some of the earlier episodes, you realize that Rick has always been a pussy, but at least he was a pussy with his heart in the right place. Lately, he's just been a direction-less pussy who doesn't know what the hell he's doing. If he can grow his balls back before the Woodbury invasion, I'll consider removing him from the list.

8. Carol -- She depresses me. Either she starts banging Darryl -- and I mean, entertainingly so, like with Fisher-Price dowels up her ass and shit -- or she needs to go moping into the great beyond.

9. Michonne -- The angry loner thing got on my nerves like everyone else, but I don't like the path her character is going down. She was almost cocksure and unpissed at Merle about her fate in the last episode and I thought that so fake.

I just hope that when she does go out, she goes out like the sword dude from Raiders Of The Lost Ark. Someone just blasts her after she wields her Hattori Hanzo.



10. Herschel -- I've always liked his character, but the Peg-Leg Socrates/conciliari act is getting way old.

11. Andrea -- You're probably asking yourself, "Bubbler, Demi Moore died, and you've clearly refilled your guf of hate. So what's with clown-ass whore Andrea being so far down the list? Are you high? She IS a stupid bitch, right?"

Well, yes. She is definitely stupid and a bitch. She'll bang anything with a pulse. I'm sure if fat-ass Otis had lived, she's have cozied up to his cellulite folds and had faked orgasms all the live long day.

And as others have mentioned, her vaginal tract has striking similarities, and the hygenic properties, of a gas-station condom machine. Her vagina is quite possibly ribbed.

The very idea for most of this season that she had some sort of Mata Hari-like sway over the Governor insulted the intelligence of everyone in the Western world. She has endangered lives in every phase of the show ... from the camp, to the CDC, to the farm, to Woodbury, and to the prison. She is the walking-stick of pestilence.

So why isn't she No. 1? This show would suffer without her Typhoid Mary-like effect on the plot. She is more dangerous than the walkers themselves. Without her causing havoc, the show loses half of its appeal.

You can't kill her with a shot to the brain anyway ... she doesn't have one. So she will march on. Proudly carrying every venereal disease known to modern science.

 

Post of the yea contender here.

 

Post of the year favorite, IMO. Really well done, Bubbler.

 

#POY2013

 

Demi Moore died?

 

In The Seventh Sign. Damn.

 

Best thing I've read on here in a loooooooooong time.


I hate Lori's ghost. Just shake your head, stop eating the psychedelic mushrooms that sprout from the rotting dead and move on, Rick!

Andrea is the Walking Dead's ultimate hoochie mama and I agree, she rides a pale horse. The Governor would be wise to get rid of her.

Michonne is a scowl, a sword and nothing more.

 

This is great. Proof "The Walking Dead" and "Toy Story" have the same plot.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/undeniable-proof-that-the-walking-dead-and-toy-story-have-th

 

Here's the full, easier to flip through, source material: http://imgur.com/a/qIIsm#0

And it's great.

 

I've catching up with some of the old shit this week and there was one scene that flummoxed me.

It's the scene where ever-so-stupid Lori goes looking for Rick and gets in a car accident. A pair of walkers find her.

She dispatches the first one quite logically, but once she emerges from the car, she has to fight off a second one.

Warning: This is when I come perilously close to the line of Trekkie geekdom.

The first thing she does to fight the walker off is to kick him squarely in the balls. And the walker goes down like Ray Nitschke in The Longest Yard.

Why would that have any affect on the walker at all? Not two minutes before that, a walker was pressing his skull through windshield glass and appeared to be none the worse for wear. Walkers are shot and burned and keep on keepin' on, but a shot to the family jewels still works?

Maybe their reproductive organs still work. Which begs the next obvious question ... how rough is walker sex? And ... when is Andrea going to climb up on some of that and get tapped?