Another fine idea from a politician

oops. my mistake. i didn't click on the link at first -- i thought after reading SF's post quickly that fisher was the name of the state legislator.

ken cuccinelli is the idiot.

 

While he's at it, why don't we pass a law allowing parents to sue newspapers for printing pictures of athletes under 18 as child molesters? (/sarcasm, obviously)

 

Why a week? Why not a month? Why not a year? Why not 10 years?

 

Politicians: Always looking for ways to fuck reporters before reporters can fuck them.

 

Good luck defining any of those.

 

I'm still new to the business, but I've had two instances where I've had to talked to someone who just had a close friend/relative die. Both times I had people seeking me out to talk. I had one coach of a player who died who called me almost every night for the next week. I think in a lot of ways, it helped get the grief off their chest. I think you have to be tasteful in how you handle these situations and I'd like to think that most reporters are.

 

Fortunately, the bill was killed without getting a single vote of support.

But to add what a loon this guy is...

 

How does one determine if the family member is grieving? What if someone kills theirs spouse and is immediately arrested, is that person considered grieving?

 

When I was a cub news side reporter, I had to do this with some frequency, and it was always the hardest thing I've ever done, especially when a kid had died. A 13-year-old girl stabbed herself and lit herself on fire after a fight with her parents, and I had to go knock on the door and ask them about it. I was as polite as possible, apologized profusely the minute someone came to the door, and still got it slammed in my face.

But another time, I had a situation similar to Fisher's. A teenage girl had killed herself after being teased by her high school classmates, and when I talked to the mom, she invited me in. She said she felt like her daughter had died of a disease, the same way should might have died of cancer. We talked for hours, and I wrote a 35-inch story about this girl's life that included some of her poetry (she was super smart, just a little nerdy). I went back over to the mom's house to return some pictures after the story ran, and the mom felt like I had helped her tremendously. She said she was tired of having to explain why her daughter had killed herself, tired of people talking to her about whether she thought she could have done more to prevent it. She felt like from that point on, she could just give them my article and say, See? This is what I went through. This is how hard we tried to get her help, to make her happy, this is how brilliant she was, and it still wasn't enough.

I haven't done one of those next-day death stories in awhile, but here (as free advice) is what I always tried to say to people to help them feel like I wasn't a vulture:

I want to make sure your son/daughter/mom/dad isn't going to be just a few sentences in a newspaper, and then forgotten. Tell me about his/her life. Some people may not have known him/her well, and they never will know your loved one if he/she is just another newspaper story.

Not very original, but it works more than it fails.

And if you're in a situation where the family won't talk to anyone, wants to deal with their grief privately and feels like the media is making this harder (but you still think there is a bigger story there) sit down and write them a letter. Tell them you're incredibly sorry for their loss, and you understand why they don't want to talk. Tell them if they're ever ready to tell their story, you promise to do it with accuracy and respect, and that you will drop whatever you're doing if they feel like talking.

I did that when an athlete was in the hospital once. The family was devastated over what had happened, and wouldn't talk to anyone. Another newspaper tried to sneak a reporter into the hospital. I wrote my letter, then gave it to a friend of the family, who hand delivered it. (Competitor's reporter was caught and thrown out of the hospital before he got anything.)

The family never forgot that. They hated the other newspaper, absolutely hated them, and months later, let me into their lives for what turned out to be the biggest story of my career.

I understand that's not possible when you HAVE to get the story right away. But sometimes you can get the real story with a little respect and patience.