Another way to say: "On his mind"

haha! Awesome.

I like his "thoughts, racing." ... but maybe move the thoughts, racing up in the sentence so you're not ending both sentences with thoughts/mind. Or maybe you like it that way?

 

A quote from the raw Jason Mewes is tough to beat.

 

Mulled and mulling are words that normally generate derision at my shop -- unless they're the only words that fit. Then they're OK.

 

Take "got" out of the second paragraph while you're at it.

 

Yup, already deleted. Thanks, DS. I'm still on my first write-through.

Appreciate the help, bud

Ugh. Every time I read that sentence, I cringe

 

I'd shitcan the "gradually". Doesn't add anything.

 

Got that one, too, lol.

Wanted to convey that the coach sort of ambled across the sidelines, rather than stalked. But a copy editor caught it for me and pointed it out.

Thanks, though.

 

Consumed was the first word that came to me. Jeez, this is like mad libs or something

 

'percolated'?

 

marinating