Ashley Harkleroad in Playboy

This is a true story. I was sitting on the toilet, losing weight, at my sister's house, reading my brother-in-law's Playboy. I forget which issue it was, but it had an interview with Matt Damon. I found the interview when I was almost done, but there I stayed, fixated on this interview with Damon. At the time, I was focused on everything Kevin Smith-related, so I wanted to see if he name-dropped Silent Bob or Affleck. I completely lost track of time.

My sister knocked on the door and asked if I was OK. "Yeah," I said. "How long have I been in here?" "About a half-hour," she said.

I was stunned. So I got up, slowly because it hurt, cleaned myself and took the magazine out to the living room to finish the article. It hurt sitting for the rest of that afternoon.

 

I can't say I casted her, yet.

 

Would've loved to see the look on your sister's face after you:
A) Emerged from a 30-minute trip to the bathroom with a Playboy in your hand and a dopey, out-of-it look on your face
B) Had trouble sitting for most of the day
Did she think you were sore from sitting, or from blue balls?

 

naked women without props are boring to me, too.

 

No, she believed me. She knows I read Playboy for the jokes first, the interviews second and the naked ladies third. And she knows I wouldn't whack it in her bathroom, especially when she's in the living room.

My sister knows I'm an idiot. That's why we get along so well.

 

What he said.

 

Meh. My moobs are bigger than hers.

 

To quote a good friend of mine, "there's not a man alive who hasn't gone in there and started reading and realized he couldn't feel his toes any more."

 

Just in case you don't wanna click through all those photos on the link, No. 8 is the one that'll really put the graphite in the old racket.

 

Maybe, but you can be sure God made those perky little things super sensitive.

 

WTF, dude

Did you really just post that? And you really thought people would want to hear that story?