Bad candy....no really, candy

Understand. Like licorice, an esoteric taste. Am aware that unadulterated coconut is death on the heart, so seldom indulge.

 

I beg to differ there. Those girl scout cookies with the coconut sprinkled on top are damn near addictive.

 

Ugh, I despise coconut, in any form.

 

Eh.

 

One of my favorite exchanges in all of Seinfeld:

George: I’d like to report a problem with one of your mechanics.
Willie: When did you bring the car in?
George: (To the man behind him in line) Yeah right. ... I’m gonna get my car repaired at a dealership. Why don’t I just flush my money down the toilet?
Willie: Sir, what, exactly, is the problem?
George: One of your guys - Kip, or Ned, short name - stole my Twix candy bar!
Willie: Are you saying he grabbed the candy bar away from you?
George: He might as well have! I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs.
Willie: I thought you said it was a Twix.
George: Oh, it was. But he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar.
Willie: Maybe it was.
George: Oh, no, no. Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch.
Willie: What about the $100,000 bar?
George: No. Rice and caramel.
Willie: Nougat?
George: No.
Willie: Positive?
George: Please.
(A woman appears from behind the window)
Woman: You know they changed the name from $100,000 bar to 100 Grand?
George: All I want is my 75 cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired!
(An old man sitting in a nearby chair speaks up. He’s Willie’s father)
Willie Sr.: I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel.
(The man behind George speaks up)
Man: What’s the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?
George: They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial!
Willie Sr.: Not Skittles.
Willie: Dad, I told you you could sit here only if you don’t talk.
Woman: (Sitting behind George) You make your father sit here all day?
Willie: He likes it!
George: Alright! Do you mind? I have the window! (To Willie) Now, what are you gonna do about my Twix?
Man: (In line behind George) Twix has too much coconut.
George: No! There’s no coconut!
Woman: (Behind service window) I’m allergic to coconut.
Willie: I’m not.
Willie Sr.: ... A nickel!

 

Setting: Ambulance]

(George's strapped down on a gurney. His face is purple, and he's screaming. Jerry and Kramer are trying to calm him down. The driver and the assistant in the back are having a huge fight)

GEORGE: (In a state of hysteria) I'm an eggplant! I'm an eggplant! I'm a minstrel man!

DRIVER: (To Assistant) I didn't take your Chuckle, man!

ASSISTANT: I had five Chuckles. I ate a green one, and the yellow one, and the red one is missing!

DRIVER: I don't even like Chuckles!

JERRY: (To Assistant) Maybe he doesn't like them. That's possible.

GEORGE: My face! My face! Get me to the hospital!

ASSISTANT: I want that Chuckle! You hear me?!

JERRY: (To Assistant) I'll get you a Chuckle. You want me to get you a Chuckle?

ASSISTANT: (Angry, to Driver) Pull over!

DRIVER: Pull over? Did you say pull over?! You want a piece of me?!

ASSISTANT: Yeah!

JERRY: You're gonna fight?

GEORGE: Now?! I'm a mutant!

KRAMER: (To Driver) Hey, let me drive.

ASSISTANT: Come on, man. Pull over!

DRIVER: Alright! I'm gonna mess you up, man!

(Ambulance comes to a screeching halt. Driver gets out, and the assistant heads for the back door)

JERRY: (Pleading) Really, gentlemen, please.

GEORGE: My heart! My heart! (To Assistant) Where you going? Are you crazy?!

ASSISTANT: I'm gonna kick his ass.

KRAMER: (To Assistant) Hey, you have keys?

GEORGE: You can't leave! This is an ambulance! This is an emergency!

(The Assistant leaves. Jerry, Kramer, and George watch the two fight)

JERRY: All this for a Chuckle.

KRAMER: What's a Chuckle?

JERRY: It's a jelly candy. it comes in five flavors.

(Scene ends)

 

I can't believe this has been left out.

Jerry: Why did you force that mint on me? I didn't want the mint!

Kramer: Well, I didn't believe you.

Jerry: How could you not believe me?!?

Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint-- it's *delicious*!

Jerry: That's true.

Kramer: It's very refreshing!

 

Jake: So, then, you know, the light was clearly green, I started walking, he skidded and he went right into my hip.
Elaine: (With her mouth full of Jujyfruit ) Oh, that is so terrible. That is so terrible, Jake. I mean, how can people be so stupid? Just sickening. ... You want one?
Jake: No thanks.
Elaine: So when do you think you're gonna get outta here?
Jake: Where did you get those?
Elaine: At the movies.
Jake: Didn't the theater manager give you the message before you went in?
Elaine: Yeah, he did.
Jake: Then when did you get those?
Elaine: Right after ... that ...
Jake: So you heard that I was in a car accident , and then decided to stop off for some Jujyfruit?
Elaine: Well ... the counter ... was right there, and ...
Jake: I would think, under the circumstances, it would have sent you running out the building. Apparently, it didn't have any effect on you.
Elaine: No, no, it does!
Jake: If you got into a car accident, I can guarantee you I wouldn't stop for Jujyfruit!
Elaine: But ... Jake ...
Jake: I would like to be alone now, please.
Elaine: But, Jake, I didn't ...
Jake: Goodnight!

...

Jerry: So it's all over?
Elaine: Yeah, it got pretty nasty.
Jerry: And what did you go back for? Jujyfruit?
Elaine: It's not like I went across the street. I bought the Jujyfruit and I got in a cab.
Jerry: Why didn't you eat it in the cab?
Elaine: Because I got popcorn too, and I ate that first.

 

I wondered when Jujyfruit was coming. Love that one!

 

It makes a second appearance, too. That's how good they are, apparently.

 

WILLIE: Sir, what, exactly, is the problem?

GEORGE: One of your guys - Kip, or Ned, short name - stole my Twix candy bar!

WILLIE: Are you saying he grabbed the candy bar away from you?

GEORGE: He might as well have! I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs.

WILLIE: I thought you said it was a Twix.

GEORGE: Oh, it was. But he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar.

WILLIE: Maybe it was.

GEORGE: Oh, no, no. Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch.

WILLIE: What about the $100,000 bar?

GEORGE: No. Rice and caramel.

WILLIE: Nougat?

GEORGE: No.

WILLIE: Positive?

GEORGE: Please.

(A woman appears from behind the window)

WOMAN: You know they changed the name from $100,000 bar to 100 Grand?

GEORGE: All I want is my seventy-five cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired!

(An old man sitting in a nearby chair speaks up. He’s Willie’s father)

WILLIE SR: I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel.

(The man behind George speaks up)

MAN: What’s the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?

GEORGE: They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial!

WILLIE SR: Not Skittles.

WILLIE: Dad, I told you you could sit here only if you don’t talk.

WOMAN: (Sitting behind George) You make your father sit here all day?

WILLIE: He likes it!

GEORGE: Alright! Do you mind? I have the window! (To Willie) Now, what are you gonna do about my Twix?

MAN: (In line behind George) Twix has too much coconut.

GEORGE: No! There’s no coconut!

WOMAN: (Behind service window) I’m allergic to coconut.

WILLIE: I’m not.

WILLIE SR: ..A nickel!

 

Crap Mikey already posted it.