Balance: Work and Family

What are your life goals? What do you see yourself doing in 15-20 years? When's the last time you've been on a date?

 

Jonathan Eig, "Luckiest Man": "He lives in Chicago with his wife and children."

Roger Kahan, "Boys of Summer": "My son Gordon contributed two photographs to this book; my younger son, Roger, brought back other times by rooting for today's beleaguered Yankees, with what appears to be the same intensity I offered the comic-opera Dodgers of the 1930s. My daughter Alissa, who is four, contributed giggles. Despite unpredictable pressures, my wife Alice showed consistent grace, as is her wont."

David Maraniss, "Clemente": "He lives in Washington, D.C., and Madison, Wisconsin, with his wife, Linda. They have two grown children."

Leigh Montville, "Ted Williams: The Biography of an American Hero": "He lives with his family in the same area code as Fenway Park."

Buster Olney, "Last Night of the Yankees Dynasty": "Those at home: Lisa and Sydney. No words would suffice."

Jeff Pearlman, "The Bad Guys Won": "Finally, a word about my wife: It is a cliche to say, "I never could have done this without so-and-so's support,' but in this case it's entirely true. Earlie, you were my editor, coach, critic, cheerleader, chef, guardian, back scratcher, and, most important, friend. Never before had I experienced the direct impact o such unconditional love. Everyone needs a PH #1."

S.L. Price, "Heart of the Game": "He lives in Washington, D.C. with his family."

Alan Schwarz, "The Numbers Game": Speaking of tolerance, no one offered more than my new and fantabulous wife, Laura, who not only put up with my eighteen months of preoccupation but even married me during them. Let the payback begin."

Mike Vaccaro, "Emporers and Idiots": "And, of course, to Leigh Hursey Vaccaro, best friend and best gil, whose smile on the day I sold this book is matched in my memory only by the one I wore the day I met her."

Mark Kriegel, "Pistol: The Life of Pete Maravich": "He lives in Santa Monica with his daughter, Holiday."

John Feintstein, "A March to Madness": "He lives in Bethesda, Maryland, and Shelter Island, New York with his wife, son, and daughter."

Bob fucking Woodward, "A State of Denial": "He has two daughters, Tali and Diana, and lives in Washington, D.C. with his wife, Elsa Walsh, a writer for The New Yorker."

 

All you have proven is that famous authors are capable of marrying women and siring children. For all you know, every author on the list is an absentee father who rarely sees his children because he is tracking down another lead.

 

The acknowledgments sound quite sincere. Anyway, that post is more of a response to the people who don't think it is possible to even take the first step - socializing, dating, etc., etc. - because the small-town prep beat is too important to step away from.

Someone earlier said that all the married people in his shop were "miserable," and that it sounded on here like a "second job." I am not going to deny that there are moments when you think, "What I wouldn't give to be sitting on the balcony of the frat house again, knocking back brews with the boys." But if I were 35 and still just playing video games at home by myself and catching every second of the Stanley Cup playoffs, I'd want to kill myself. (Not literally).

Is it always easy? No.

But it's fulfilling.

 

Been in the biz for 11 years now. Been married for nearly 10 years, and been a dad for that entire time. I do plenty of the 50-hour weeks during football and basketball season when I travel, and I'm fine with that. But the way I prioritize work and family has changed for me.

I used to always use work as an excuse for not being able to pick up the kids from daycare, miss a soccer practice, miss a concert or whatever. Now, the eldest princess is a middle school cheerleader. The youngest princess is a dazzling 8-year-old soccer player who has more skills with the ball now than I did when I played in college. I help coach her team, and it's been more rewarding for me than any story I've ever written. I'm tired of using work as an excuse to miss the princesses games or concerts, or the prince's family night at preschool. Sometimes, it's legitimate to miss, like state basketball. But this weekend, for instance, is the junior college super regional tournament. The games are being played in the same city the younger princess plays soccer. (Juco is my beat, BTW). Her two games start at the same time as the first two baseball games of the day out of three. I told my wife that I'll run over to the stadium and try to catch the end of the first game, but I wasn't missing the second soccer game. If that means for the first game, all I do is a bullet, when I get back later in the day I don't care. The college I cover isn't playing, it should be noted. If it was, that would obviously be different and I would make sure the game would be covered. I'll be there Sunday and for Monday's championship as well. For Saturday, missing a first-round game doesn't seem like a big deal to me when the excuse is I'm coaching my daughter's soccer team. Luckily, I have a SE and ASE who fully understand and wouldn't argue with me.

College baseball postseason takes a backseat to my daughter's soccer. Maybe that makes me a bad employee. Lazy even. I'll get the job done still, one way or the other. I've figured out how to prioritize times like this, and everybody still gets what they need, not which of least is my family.

 

I'd like to follow up on my earlier posts re: this topic. I don't want to come across as saying that marriage/family are the ONLY ways one can find fulfillment outside of the office. If you're working 55 to 60 hours a week, you're missing out on lots of good things, whether they're family-related or not.

 

Well, this is sort of true. If I were one of those fellow employees, I'd probably say: "Just because he is giving the company free hours doesn't mean I have to," but I'll concede it creates an awkward spot for those employees.

I happen to agree with this, but I totally disagree that anyone on a message board can push him to that realization, or should even try. It's his life. Let him figure that out for himself. Maybe he will. Maybe he won't. Either way, it's his life.

 

Been posting a lot on these kinds of threads lately, because I made the choice to tell the job to "kick rocks," as newspaperman put it.

I think my story is a bit different though, because I'm a woman. As much as my male colleagues struggled to find balance with the wife and kids, it always helped that the wife was reasonably understanding and took up the slack at home whenever she could.

Most of the women I know in this field are younger singles with no kids, "older" singles with no kids and a few married women with no plans to have kids in the near future, or ever. I don't even know if it's possible to stay in this field as a writer if you are a woman who wants to have children.

Not complaining... it is what it is. Just wanted to provide another perspective.

 

That's the one thing I love about being a freelancer. I can choose what I want, when I want. I write for four outlets on semi-regular basis so I've got enough to do.

I have a couple of part time day gigs (sub teacher and working in the marketing section at the local big paper). Are they what I want to do for the rest of my life? Probably not, but I'm off weekends and never home later then 6:30.

As for the freelancing, I keep plenty busy during the high school and hockey seasons. I've found that even on weekend gigs, I can usually bust out of there fast enough to meet up with friends and the gf at the local watering hole for an hour or two.

Do I want a full-time beat eventually? Yeah, I say that now at 24, but we'll see where things go. I'm still young, and honestly enjoying it now..especially since a lot of the work is winding down and I'm looking good for having some free time this summer.

 

As an initial matter, no one ever writes in the acknowledgments, "I'd like to thank my wife, Sally and our kids. I claim to love my children, but my actions prove that they will always play second fiddle to my job." A genuine acknowledgment in a book does not show that someone has successfully balanced work and family life.

And your one-size-fits-all policy of "get out of the office and spend time doing something else" is just that: a blanket generalization. A 24-year old kid living in a new city where they don't know anyone and are nervous about their new beat is probably going to throw themselves into their work. And in this day and age, with layoffs either being carried out, looming or threatened, it is really easy to sit back and tell someone else to work 40.00 hours and not one more or one less. Man's gotta eat.

There comes a point for everyone when they make the decision about what they want in life: the brass ring or the family. And for some people, the brass ring is dominating a preps beat. You keep snidely saying, "You shouldn't sacrifice your life for a preps beat." Choosing work over a family life is either an acceptable option or it isn't. If it is not acceptable, then its not acceptable whether you cover preps, D3 hoops, Pac 10 football or the New York Yankees.

My argument is that if you decide your career is the most important aspect of your life, then don't start a family. Either remain perpetually single or start a relationship with someone who feels the same way about their job and doesn't want children. But making the choice to choose your career -- whatever that career may be -- is yours and yours alone.

 

Don't know about the others, but Kahn has been divorced a couple of times. He had a short marriage when he was on the Dodgers beat, and referenced it in "Boys of Summer" in a conversation with his dad, and also referenced it in "Good Enough to Dream" when someone was trying to get him to talk about his second wife.

 

Let me clarify, because I don't mean to be snide. Nothing inherently wrong with preps. It just typically pays a lot less than those other beats you named. So when I say "prep beat," I'm using it largely as a proxy for "low-paying," and also to a lesser extent, to mean, "not as high-pressure," i.e. not as much reason to be "on" 24/7. (I grant that some markets compete on preps, at least for some overlap areas. I've been in that kind of market.) But I guess, if pressed, I'll say that I also mean sports journalism in general. I guess if you are George Dohrmann and rooting out corruption in college athletics every couple of months, I can see making sacrifices for the job. (Have no idea what Dohrmann situation is). But for the most part, there are jobs that you sacrifice for: Surgeon. United States Senator. Scott Boras. And jobs that just - hey, at least to me - don't seem worth that kind of sacrifice.

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree about your last paragraph. You don't have to choose. Not in the big picture. Maybe one a particular day or another, but not overall. You can invent for them lives that fit your narrative if you want, but I posted a long list of the most successful people in our business who seem to have found the balance.