Best Autographs You Ever Got

My favorite autograph came in 2004, when I was probably too old, but I did it because I thought it ould be funny.
Sitting behind home plate at Camden for a Sox series, David Ortiz came over to sign for some people and since I had no pictures, cards or baseballs, I handed him the one thing I wanted to get signed - an unopened tin of wintergreen Kodiak. Papi grabs it, looks at it, looks at me, laughs and smiles. I handed him a silver sharpie and told him to sign it right on the bear. He laughed, signed it and handed it back.

Funny thing is, that's not my only autographed dip tin. I played golf with Patrick Warburton (Putty from Seinfield, Joe from Family Guy) when he was filming underdog in Providence. He joined my buddy and I for a quick 18. He talks like he does on TV. He yells like he does on TV. On TV, his character is himself. Six holes in, he looks at me and asks "so Rhody, you think I could steal a pinch of that dip from you?" I oblige and we play on. On the 17th, he wants to gamble, so we play for a buck a hole. I win. He goes to pay me, and all he has is fives. I have no change. I tell him don'tworry, and he signs my tin.

My cool signed stuff from my youth includes an autographed Eric Montross Celtics jersey and a providence college basketball camp T-shirt signed by recruits Derrick Brown, Jamel Thomas (cousin on Sebastian Telfair, who tore up my age bracket at the camp even though he was six years younger) and the immortal God Shammgod, who was going by Shammgod Wells at the time.

 

Micky and Minnie Mouse with the kids.

 

Two sports, one non-sports:

I was 12 or 13, hanging around the practice range during a practice round of the Masters. This is pre-Tiger, so security isn't crazy. I was on the Magnolia Lane side of the range between the clubhouse and such. I was being a kid, not paying attention and turned around and almost ran into Jack Nicklaus. He was about to warm up on the range and walking by himself. I at least had my wits about me, asked him to sign my hat and he did. So cool to see him just walking alone.

The other was a Masters related one. My brother and I were standing next to the 14th tee (this is before the reconfiguration) and Gary Player sat down at the bench and started talking to us. Someone from the other side took a picture and sent us the print (he asked my dad for the address). The next year, same tee, we saw Gary again and asked him to sign the picture, which he did.

Non-sports, Ken Block, lead singer of Sister Hazel after a concert at the Roxy in Atlanta. I know, I'm a dork, but they're my favorite band. So that was awesome. Hey, you don't make too much fun of IJAG and Brook.

 

Well some of them did missunderstand my request so I took to showing them the ball and sharpie. Many did not know how to actually write but boy they could dance.

 

And all this time I thought those were bad tattoos.

 

Ryne Sandberg is my all-time favorite player, and I got him to sign a commemorative card before the last game he ever played. Totally cool, and the usher nearby said he almost never signed before games.

 

I know someone with a pretty good collection of autographed pucks.

 

I got one more. A few years ago when my daughter was seven she was playing on a little girl's softball team. I was the assistant coach. I've coached before and since but it was one of those rare years in which every kid was fun and interesting, the parents were nice, and although no one could play a lick, it didn't matter, and during the season there were some out of this world accidental plays and comebacks. We were moving away just a couple games before the end of the regular season, and after our last game the team pulled a surprise party for us, and at the end all the little girls gathered around me and gave me a big hug and a signed softball in their best seven-year old handwriting.

I was total mess afterwards, and tear up just thinking about it. But the ball is on the top shelf.

 

Short and sweet: George Mikan, before he passed of course.

 

Maybe one of the girls will grow up to be Miss November or something.

Seriously, that's a great story. I am a sentimental guy, and I keep all cards that are sent to us. I have them in a box with our family photos. The best autograph I know of is my grandma's simple signature. Once every few months, I'll pull out that box to move it and a card will fall out. I'll pick it up and open it and see her handwriting.

By the way, I was looking through a spare bedroom at my wife's grandfather's house a few months before he died. I spotted a signed letter of commendation in a frame. Among the few who signed it was some guy named Franklin D. Roosevelt. I'd like to think that's worth something. He also had a photo of himself with some of the Big Red Machine. I had trouble distinguishing the guys. But I could swear George Foster is standing there with a rifle. I guess some of the guys from the Reds hunted on his farm land.

 

Can't top those stories, but my three favorite autograph stories:

First was getting an autograph from Muhammad Ali from when I was about 3 1/2 years old. It was about 1975, and my family was on vacation in Puerto Rico where Ali was training to fight some tomato can. He was sitting in the lobby of the hotel, and I went up to him and he asked me to sit down next to him and he signed the program the hotel was distributing of his practice sessions.

Second & third were Mickey Mantle and Whitey Ford - I was working at a weekend-long autograph show in Atlantic City in 1991, and we had arranged to have there all the living members of the 1961 New York Yankees, including Mickey Mantle, Yogi & Whitey. We were responsible for making sure they all signed a few thousand baseballs over the course of the weekend, and I got to spend most waking moments with them. Suffice it to say, I learned first hand that Mickey earned his second liver -- one night after a particularly hard night of drinking, he signed a friend's baseball for him, "Dear [my friend's name] Fuck you, Mickey Mantle."

Anyhow, Whitey likes to tell a story about a junk ball pitch he used to throw, and that he used to hide the sticky stuff inside a Ban rollon container. One day after a game, Yogi used the rollon and got his arms stuck to his side. After he told me the story, I went out and bought a Ban rollon and got him to sign it. He thought it was hilarious.

Nicest guy I ever worked with concerning autographs was Brooks Robinson, who, at card shows, would not only engage every person who came up for an autograph, but would come out from behind the table and help show kids how to block a ground ball with their body.

 

My ex on the divorce decree!!!!!