Best humorous semi-original Xmas song

I could change it to holiday song. The Hanukkah song does refer to Xmas, though.

 

I was just being difficult. It happens.

 

An unknown troubadour penned this ditty about two months ago:

You're a mean one, Mr. Skip.
You fill us all with rage,
You're worse than Mariotti
You lose to Woody Paige, Mr. Ski-i-i-p
You're a bad reporter ... with greasy blonde ha-a-a-a-a-air

You're a monster, Mr. Skip
Your head's an empty hole
Your face is made of plastic
You prob'ly sold your soul
Mr. Ski-i-i-ip ...
I wouldn't read you if you beat me with a 39 and a half foot pooooole

You're a vile one, Mr. Skip
You have botox in your smile
You'd eliminate all field goals
And send kickers down the Nile
Mr. Ski-i-i-ip
Given the choice I think I'd Go with ... the kickers down the Niiiiiiiile

You're a foul one, Mr. Skip
You're often full of bunk
They gave your show a bad time-slot
Your columns are all junk, Mr. Ski-i-i-ip

The three words that best describe you are as follows -- and I quote:
"YOU.
LOOK.
DRUNK"

You're a rotter, Mr. Skip.
You're the king of stupid hacks
You ramble on for hours
And you never check your facts
Mr. Ski-i-i-ip ...
Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up ... in designer slaaaaaacks

You nauseate me, Mr. Skip.
Your show Cold Pizza blows
You wish you wrote for Deadspin
And you paid to fix your nose Mr. Ski-i-i-ip
You're a five-compartment toolbox whose stupid columns and TV shows ... always make me doooooooooze

 

The Hanukkah Song
Okay...This is a song that uhh..
There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh..
Not too many Chanukah songs.
So uhh..
I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Chanukah songs.
Here we go...

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee roth Lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew

You don't need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
'cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both jewish

Put on your yarmulke
It's time for Chanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
But guess who is? hall of famer Rod Carew -- he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is
All Three Stooges
So many Jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
Happy Chanukah


Hanukkah Song Part Two
Time to take out those menorahs!
Put on your yamaka
It's time for Hanukkah
So much fun-uka
To celebrate Hanukkah
Hanukkah is, the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights
When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me
Winona Ryder drinks Manashevitz wine
Then spins a dreidl with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein
Guess who give and receives loads of Hanukkah toys?
The girls from Barukasouhl and all three Beastie Boys
Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish, Courtney Love is half too
Put them together, what a funky, bad-ass Jew
We got Harvey Kitell and flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Jasmine Bleuth from Baywatch is Jewish and
Yes her boobs are real
O.J. Simpson, still not a Jew
But guess who is, the guy who does the voice for
Scooby-Doo
Bob Dylan was born a Jew, then he wasn't, but now he's back
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish 'cuz we're pretty good in the sack
Guess who got bar mitzvah-ed on the PGA tour?
No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods, I'm talking about
Mr. Happy Gilmore
So many Jews are in the show-biz
Bruce Springsteen isn't Jewish, but my mother thinks he is
Tell that old harmonica, it's time to celebrate Hanukkah
It's not pronounced Chanukkah
The C is silent in Hanukkah
So your your Hooked on Phonic-a
Get drunk in Teawonica
If you really really wanna-ka
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah

Hanukkah Song Part Three
Put on your yamulke
It's time for Chanukah (sounds good guys)
Once again it's Onakah
The miracle of Chanukah. (give it up for the Drei Dels)

Chanukah is the festival of lights.
One day of presents?
Hell no, We get eight crazy nights.

But if you still feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you
So here comes number three!

Ross and Phoebe from "Friends" say the Chanukah blessing.
So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and "Will & Grace"'s Debra Messing.

Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy.
Maybe they should have called that show "Little Kosher House on the Prairie."

We got Jerry Lewis, Ben Stiller and Jack Black.
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism, but you guys can have him back!
(Just kidding Tommy!)

We may not get to kiss underneath the mistletoe
But we can do it all night long with Deuce Bigalow! (I'm jewish!)
Oh My God! Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!

Put on the yamukah
Here comes Chanukah
The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica
Celebrates Chanukah.
Oooo, good job Schneider

Osama bin Laden--(Booo!)--not a big fan of the Jews.
Well, maybe that's because he lost a figure skating match to gold medalist
Sarah Hughes, her mama's Jewish!

Houdini and David Blaine escaped straightjackets with such precision.
But the one thing they could not get out of
Their painful circumcision.

As for Half-Jewish actors, Sean Penn is quite the great one,
And Marlon Brando not a Jew at all ,
But it looks to me like he ate one.

Gweneth Paltrow is half jewish
But an aweful time Oscar winner
Jennifer Conneley's half jewish too
And I'd like to put some more in her

There's Lou Reed, Perry Ferrell, Beck and Paula Abdul.
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music
But first came Hebrew school.

Natalie Portmanukah
It's time to celebrate Chanukah.
I hope I get an Abrtronicah,
on this joyful, toyful Chanukah.

So get a high colonicah
And soil your long johnukahs
If you really really wantukah.
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah

 

My personal vote among those not mentioned in the choices (sound file with some f-bombs, so have your headphones on):

A Lonely Jew On Christmas

 

I'll have to listen to that tonight when I get home since I've never heard it and I thought I knew all the Jewish Christmas Music.

 

It's South Park.

 

Biscuit would have been a better option than Danny the Monkey Boy.

An excellent choice.

 

I also want to say I'm surprised that no one has mentioned "The Chipmunk Song" yet.

Seeing has no one has, I'll mention it.

 

This is freaking outstanding. LJB, is this your work? You should take credit for it even if it isn't.

 

Does unintentional humor count? If so, Last Christmas by Wham!

 

IF YOU HATE LAST CHRISTMAS, THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON!