Best humorous semi-original Xmas song

Hey DyePack, how is Dogs Singing Jingle Bells not on the list?

Greatest Christmas song ever ... sung by dogs.

 

The Grinch Song.

 

Dogs barking = not semi-original.

 

I heard there is no Christmas,
In the silly Middle East..
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus,
They have different religious beliefs...
They believe in Muhammad,
And not in our holiday...
And so every December,
I go to the Middle East and say...

Hey there Mr Muslim, Merry Fucking Christmas
Put down that book, The Koran
And hear some holiday wishes
Incase you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
And fucking celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India,
I've heard..
They don't hang up their stockings,
And that is just absurd..
They've never read a Christmas story,
They don't know what Rudolph is about...
And that's why in December,
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr Hinduist, Merry Fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog, and eat some beef
and pass it to the missus
Incase you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass,
And fucking celebrate.

Now I heard that in Japan,
Everyone just lives in sin...
They pray to several gods,
And put needles in their skin...
On December twenty-fifth,
all they do is eat a cake...
and that is why I'll go to Japan,
and walk around and say...

Hey there Mr Shintoist, Merry Fucking Christmas
God is gonna kick your ass You infidelic pagan scum.
Incase you haven't noticed,
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
and Merry Fucking Christmas to you.

On Christmas Day, I travel round the world and say..
Taoists, Korishnas, Buddists
and all you atheists too..
Merry Fucking Christmas to you.
Thank you, Mr Hat..

 

DyePack dissing Dogs Singing Jingle Bells = bullshit of the highest order.

Dogs Singing Jingle Bells = delivery genius that puts a whole new spin on a holiday favorite, in essence, creating a whole new song out of an old chestnut. Plus, it has a cool laid-back guitar solo.

Dogs Singing Jingle Bells = a species heretofore not known for its singing ability, creates a hit novelty record. That alone makes it semi-original.

Dogs barking Jingle Bells = a song that is funny as hell.

Dogs Singing Jingle Bells = my write-in vote. Woof, woof, bitch!

 

Write in whatever you wish.

 

Two musician friends of mine several years ago got some studio time and goofed around with originial Christmas Songs, but did voice impersonations. Best one? Chuck D and Flava Flav doing White Christmas.

Chuck: And may all your Christmases be WHITE.
Flav: And may all your Christmases be ... What? You sellin' out, Chuck; You sellin' out!

Chuck: Yeeeaahhh white. Yeeaaah white.

Freakin' classic.

 

Dead, Dead, Dead; Someday you'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead; Someday we'll all be dead
The minute we're born we start dying
We die a little more every day
Young or old
Rich or poor
There's nothing we can do to stop it
So look long at that Christmas tree
It may be the last one that you see
Decorate your house in green and red
'Cause someday you'll be dead

Dead, Dead, Dead; Someday you'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead; Someday we'll all be dead
It might happen in a couple months
Or 50 years from now
But no matter when it happens
It will seem too soon to you
So be sure on Christmas Eve
When you snuggle into bed
That you thank God for your family
'Cause someday they'll be dead

Dead, Dead, Dead; Someday they'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead; Someday we'll all be dead
Ah-ah
Who knows how many Christmases are left in their short life?
Nobody knows, thats my point
Enjoy them while you can
And so on Christmas morning
Let good tidings fill your head
What a festive season
Someday you'll be dead

Dead, Dead, Dead Someday we'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead Everyone you know, dead
A Very Merry Christmas to you Dead, Dead, Dead
Merry Christmas Everybody

 

Heard 12 Pains for the first time yesterday.

 

Got to vote for Weird Al.. I'll also nominate a gem off the "Bad Hair Day" album entitled The Night Santa Went Crazy

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE FAMILY

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinkin' champagne punch
And homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him
Til he sang Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins
From his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kaye
Who talks all about AA
Chain smokin' while the stereo plays
Noel, Noel, The first Noel

Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Mix Margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quik-Pak store
We need some ice and an extension cord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rite
A box of pampers , some Marlboro Lights
Hallelujah everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Fran and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited on our front lawn
He threw the breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night
Oh Silent Night o' holy night

Carve the turkey turn the ballgame on
Mix Bloody Marys cause we all want one
Send somebody to the Stop 'n Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprite
A box of midol, some Salem Lights
Hallelujah everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

 

I had never heard the other two Sandler Hanukkah songs, but these lines floored me:

"As for Half-Jewish actors, Sean Penn is quite the great one,
And Marlon Brando not a Jew at all ,
But it looks to me like he ate one.

Gweneth Paltrow is half jewish
But an aweful time Oscar winner
Jennifer Conneley's half jewish too
And I'd like to put some more in her"

Anyways, I nominate "The Bathroom Door Said 'Gentlemen'"

Does Christmas in Hollis count?