Best lie you told in a bar

At a rural "beer garden" on the Tennessee-Alabama border to a pair of big-haired, somewhat decent-looking 30-somethings:

That my high school buddy (who really was the starting center on our high school football team) and I were both 1st-team AP All-American linemen - he at Alabama, me for Tennessee - and were scheduled to appear on the "Bob Hope Christmas Special" later that month when they introduced the entire All-American squad and were going to get to meet the Rose Bowl Queen and Court.

At the time I was 6-5 and about 230, but had quit football in the 10th-grade to focus on basketball. But they bought it - I guess this fine establishment didn't see a lot of All-Americans hanging out drinking quarts of Budweiser on an early-December weekday night.

 

That's what you get for going to a school with smart girls.

 

never saw a one-legged stripper, but have met a one-armed stripper, and by met I mean I was so drunk that when I introduced myself I tried to shake the hand that wasn't there.
Also have seen a stripper who was eight-months pregnant.

 

That I was Kevin Youkilis. We do resemble a good bit. And it helped that I was wearing my beat-up Boston ball cap.

The guy, drunk, came up to me and said, "You look just like Youk. Just like him."

Told him, "That's b/c I am." And I'm a fairweather Boston fan. So, he thought he was going to stump me with some random BoSox trivia, then some who's the [random position]. I answered them, complete with where they hit in the lineup.

He was sold. It was during a BCS bowl game, and the next night we went to an event hosted by the bowl. Within 15 minutes, random drunk guy comes up to me, and I just busted out laughing right in his face. He still thought I was, working my way into this event b/c of my status.

 

You probably knew more Sox trivia than Youk would. You probably oversold it. haha

 

I knew it was a mistake from the get-go.

Speaking of quarterbacks and not-so-smart girls, there was a story going around UVA at that point (almost certainly apocryphal) about a VT girl who was bragging about hooking up with Michael Vick at a party. Fast-forward to the next Hokies game on TV, and our heroine gets a look at the starting lineups and says, "Michael Vick is black?"

 

In a weird twist, the guy she hooked up with was really named Ron Mexico.

 

In a weird twist, the guy she hooked up with was Pitbull.

 

Provably and demonstrably so.