Best towns for an A*& whipping

So what are the parameters here?

I got held up at gunpoint in Akron, does that count?

I got my ass kicked in Milwaukee and Indianapolis (arm broken in that fight), but I initiated both with the first punch (that's when I found out little man disease has its disadvantages), does that count?

Here's one I know counts ...

When I was in Muncie as a student, I lived in a house with some older friends for a year, and we'd charge $2 a head for basically bi-weekly house parties. We were on the edge of campus during a time when the state excise police were cracking down on such things, so we'd get 50-100 people in our house (and usually made a nice profit on it).

Usually, we'd keep two of the four of us stayed sober -- one to watch for cops outside and keep people inside, one to make sure there was no trouble/stealing shit  from those already in the house. But we'd gone a long time without either, so we all got fucked up this one night.

Our keg room was in an old coal storage area in our basement, so none of us were upstairs ... bad move.

From what I've heard from both witnesses and the police report, this one guy -- who we didn't know -- was talking shit. These other two guys -- who we also didn't know -- took umbrage.

By umbrage, I mean one guy pinned this dude's arms behind his back while the other pummeled him within an inch of his life with brass knuckles.

I was the first house resident on the scene. My kitchen floor looked like Joe Pesci's trunk from GoodFellas, there was barely an inch that wasn't covered in a pool of blood. Dude's face was indescribably fucked up and the poor shit was still conscious.

Obviously, we booted everyone out and called an ambulance. He was apparently never in danger of dying, but he did have to be airlifted to Chicago to have major reconstruction done on his face.

It was front-page news in our student paper, and later, Muncie detectives paid a visit and we let them know what little we knew. They caught the guys a week later -- they eventually did a year in the clink.

Somehow, none of us were ever prosecuted for an ancillary role in this -- no serving to minors ... nothing. None of us were ever even called as witnesses at the trial. We were lucky as hell.

Needless to say, that was the last of the keggers, and I was out of that house in record time. I lived the Old School life and then some for a year, it has its dark side.

I also was shot at and was a theft victim at least twice in Muncie, so I nominate the ole alma mater for my town to get your ass whooped in.

 

Collar City!

 

OK, that was fucking hilarious.

And Xan, I see your East Roswell and I raise you Deming. Just being white is enough to get your ass beat there, unless you're a duck.

 

Cadet, East Roswell has chunks of Deming in its stool.

Deming. :

 

Worcester, MA.

Springfield, MA

Fitchburg, MA.

Saginaw, MI

Trenton, NJ

Lansing, MI (not E. Lansing)

Ypsilanti, MI

Jacksonville, FL

Appleton, WI

 

Kannapolis, N.C., especially if you start bad-mouthing anyone with the last name Earnhardt ...

Don't expect much help from the local cops if you do that, either ...

 

It's easy, FH. They're towns where boots looks for his next ... uh .... victim.

 

The qualifications are quite simple, know someone or have first handedly gotten your Ass kicked free of charge in the town.

 

X sounds like he's spent his share of time in central/western Massachusetts.

 

You're way ahead. We haven't gotten to states where you can get your ass kicked free of charge.

 

North Providence, R.I. Go to Skybar and casually mention the Mafia connections of the mayor (who's running for secretary of state) and his cronies. Let the beatdown begin - no worries about cops getting in the way, either.