Buried my first wife (ex-wife) yesterday.

Fuck

You're a great person who did way more than all they could. She might not have deserved you, but she was damn lucky to have you.

Addiction to drugs or gambling is something I cannot wrap my head around, so I am hesitant to piss on her. That moment probably came in a moment of clarity and that's what you should remember.

 

I'm sorry, man. That's terrible all around.

I hope your son is doing OK. I assume he had pretty much written her off, but that's still a rotten thing to hear from your own mother.

 

Damn. I'm sorry. Being in the crosshairs of narcissists can be hellish. I'm glad you have good people in your life to keep you grounded in the reality of who you are rather than what narcs project. Peace and healing to you, your kids, and Wonderful Girlfriend.

 

Thank you, SJ Friends.

Very unusual today, dropping my son back off at college as the two of us then drove back.

I’m here, watching Billions, and decompressing. Awesome Girlfriend bought me a Philly steak sandwich and some noodles for my daughter... and then left. She’s great on giving us room during this.

Thinking back on how the week played out. After she died, my daughter went out and participated in her track meet the next day. Got a first-place finish in her varsity field event. PR in the event.

We talked, tonight, about how the feelings may not be coming out right away and that’s okay, too. We all grieve in different ways.

I wasn’t a perfect husband or father. I tried to be. But there was a tipping point. First, I worked to protect the kids from her anger and mood swings. Then I worked to protect myself by arguing back but there’s no way to reason with a drunk in denial.

There was a point, about 18 months before the divorce, where I had no more filter. She was already constantly angry and often drunk. Why hold back?

What the kids have noticed is the quiet. No angry, accusatory waves of drunk texting four or five nights a week.

I’m sad this monster of alcoholism kept her from the best moments as a parent. She would often drink at night and miss the games, the meets and the recitals. Other times, she’d so up like Shooter in Hoosiers.

My kids’ teachers understood. Their coaches did, too, as I would, discreetly explain the situation if she became disruptive. It’s the hidden cancer in our society. We all see smokers. We all see people with outward risk factors.

But our society celebrates “Mommy Wine Time”. I saw that opera for years. It was nothing to celebrate.

 

I have read all your posts about this. Very heartbreaking for you and everyone involved. At the very least you get closure. Not the closure you want, but there is certainly a finality to it. There won’t be any more fighting. No more back and forth. Maybe some what could have been, but you’ve probably done all of those.

Sounds like you’ve moved on anyway. But now you don’t have to look back.

Best to you and your kids.

 

Man all I can say is sometimes life sucks.

I feel for your kids. And props to you for doing your best and setting a great example for your kids.

Although my experience for my natural father is similar to your kids I hope they have some good memories of their mother.

 

I grasp for some of the positives for my children from this.

Neither of them have shown any desire to party or drink alcohol. They saw that for years in their own house. I’m thankful for that.

They watched her drink, smoke and medicate her life away for a decade. My kids are busybodies, always on the move. I’m thankful for that.

Watching a parent who tapped out of parenting (like she did) has also given them empathy for others. They don’t write off people because of an unusual home life. It’s different than when I was growing up and I’m thankful for this as well.

I wonder what normal will look like. I’ll be at work tomorrow. My son has practice at 7 am tomorrow. He’ll be there. Daughter has a track meet. She’ll be there.

It’s been a long time since I’ve looked back at my marriage with much fondness. Not even the eulogy brought it back inside of me.

Even after the divorce, I would get harassing calls and texts from her at night. Usually when I was at work. Sometimes when I was on the air. Got one a month ago. I know I won’t miss those.

I know when the moment will finally get to me. Her apartment. The lease is up in two months. She didn’t have anyone else in her life who is probably willing to clear it out. But I will.

I wonder what I’ll find. If there’s anything there she wouldn’t have wanted me to find. The drugs and alcohol aged her about 30 years by the end. She seemed to have the aura of a 77-year-old by the end. That crap will destroy you.

On top of that, her father has a month to live as tumors from smoking fill his body. He just had to bury a child as one of his final acts. I do have sympathy for him — even as he’s a mean man who treats my children like crap. But no one should have to see their child die.

 

Perhaps I moved on “too well”. I couldn’t take her to any public functions because she would drink at them and then embarrass herself in critical work or society settings.

I was always very aware of not rubbing it in on social media. No pictures of me and the girlfriend. No pictures of her sitting on Musberger’s lap.

The only regret I had was not leaving sooner.

 

But if you had left sooner, you might not have met the reliable gf.

There are too many ways to second guess this or that. With time, there will be far less looking into the rear view mirror and more on concentrating on your way forward.

 

Alcoholism is such a horrible monster. I’m sorry it took her from you and your kids. I’m sorry it wouldn’t let her go so she could heal the relationships with her family.

You are a Saint for being there and for taking the high road when you didn’t have to on any count.

Hope your kids can properly grieve and talk. Glad they have good heads on their shoulders. Comes from a great dad who looked out for them.

My best and heartfelt good vibes to all of you.

 

I read that and couldn't help feeling, frankly,...incredibly proud of you.

Much love to you and your family.