Cash Me Ousside (Howbow Dah)

She'll be spit out the bottom of the porn industry three months after she hits 18.

 

Anti-Snooki

 

In all honesty, good for her. This girl wasn't headed toward anything good as it was. Let her hit the lottery, so to speak, and hope she does some modicum of growing up by the time she hits age 20 and capitalizes on it.

I'm not expecting her to do so by any stretch of the imagination. But her life certainly didn't get worse by getting a $1M television deal. So hopefully she finds some way to take that money and make herself better. She's at least self-aware enough to know Dr. Phil was exploiting her. Maybe she knows the game well enough to take advantage.

 

The real money is in the redemption story after hitting rock bottom. Howbow dah?

 

What I'm doing with my life? Holding down an ok job where I'm paid not to make an ass of myself in front of the 10s of people this reality show will garner. You know, not being paraded as the village idiot

 

And you probably don't even need a weekly penicillin shot.

 

What am I doing with my life? Enjoying literacy.

 

For a few million and a lifetime for people to forget about it and for me to enjoy it, I think I could be tempted to parade up and down that street all day long. A well-paid idiot is still an idiot, but they're also still well-paid.

That said, the fact that there seems to be an infinite well of TV dollars to throw at stupid shit like this while I work my ass off and haven't had a raise for the better part of a decade makes me want to use a power drill to gouge my own eyes out.

 

I'd punt my dignity for $10 million.

 

Except I don't think she realizes she's selling her dignity which is the worst part about this. She's the kid who thought they were cool because everyone wanted her around when in fact everyone wanted her around because they could get her to do something stupid that would make them laugh.

 

Forget building a wall with Mexico and talking tough to China, cancel reality TV and use the money that would have gone to a dipshit to give the working shlubs a raise will make America great again.

 

Those who have followed my work on the LaVar Ball thread will recognize my take here....

...But I have a hard time getting angry over this.

Look, this goes one of two ways.

1) The Dr. Phil Show is mostly bullshit. There's an excellent chance she's cashing in on a brilliantly conceived character here. She actually reminds me of Andy Kaufman's stint in Memphis pro wrestling. The crowd would boo Andy and he'd threaten to sue them for booing, yelling "I'm from Hollywood and I've got a Jew lawyer!" She seems to have an innate sense of what will piss people off most.

2) Or... She really is as dumb as she acts, in which case all the TV money's just getting pumped right back in the economy, because she'll spend it before the episodes even air.