Child discipline

Thanks, Dr. Spock.

 

Anytime, Dr. Crock, anytime.

 

A couple things, with the necessary disclaimer that I'm 22 and closer to being one of the kids being disciplined than I am to being a parent.

I only got spanked once when, around age five or six, I ran across the street without telling my parents I was going. No looking for cars, no holding adults hands, just being an idiot kid. That got me spanked. But for general discipline, my parents usually went with the consequence theory. If I got out of control and threw a tantrum (as all kids will occasionally do), I got sent to timeout with the understanding that I could read books but not play with my toys or watch TV.

What made the most difference to me was my parents following through on their threats. If they said, "Kritter, you don't get to go skating like we talked about until you do your chores/homework," then they stuck to that. There was never any negotiation. And sometimes, in my infinate 10-year-old wisdom, I wouldn't get the things done. So my parents wouldn't let me go. The next step would be something like watching television, playing with friends or the like.

It worked for other things too. I once wore a skirt that was too short for my dad's liking on a night we were supposed to go to a hockey game. He told me that if I wanted to go, I'd have to change. I didn't, so he didn't take me. I still remember the impact that had on me. It really, finally resonated that I could control my own life and make decisions, but those decisions would have consequences that would be my fault. I couldn't blame anyone else.

 

Maybe it has been a long time since I was a kid, but I would feel pretty relieved if my "punishment" was to sweep the driveway and put down some mulch. Those are just household chores . . . which kids should be doing anyway.

Punishment, to me, is deprivation. Taking something away. No TV. Or no friends over this week. Or no movie this weekend. Or no allowance this week.

 

I sure hope Kritter isn't a dude.

 

Oh, I can understand that.

But the minute you raise your hand, it's no longer discipline.

And if you're not smart enough to discipline your kids without physically striking them, you've got no business being a parent.

 

I'll let you handle the reporting to the authorities of the millions of parents who think you're full of shit.

 

If you're goign to defend beating your kids by saying that other people do it, well, that's one of the dubmer things I've heard all day.

Yes, millions of people who are parents have no business being parents. That is what I'm saying.

Not coincidentally, you seem to know the behavior is illegal, but defend it anyway. Why?

 

Again, I said there's a difference between spanking and beating a child. And clearly we're going to disagree.

You now twice called me an idiot and think I'm unfit to be a parent.
I think you're full of shit.
Clearly, we're at a stalemate. I'll let you have it out with some of the other child-beaters here.

 

showing your disappointment in a kid can be just as effective. my parents never raised a hand to me, but just told me sternly how much it hurt them for me to mess uip (or something like that) and then they took away allowances and letting me hang out with friends. it worked pretty damn well, and when i was a camp counselor for 13-year-olds, used a lot of those same tools. and it worked. try keeping in line 100 13-year-olds in the summer when their parents think it's OK to take them off their meds.

 

I haven't called you an idiot yet. Perhaps there's a reason you're defensive.

By the way, thousands of people think its OK to have sex with their children. Do the numbers make them right?

 

Zeke, you're full of it.

It's not illegal to spank a kid. I'll illegal to beat a kid. And if you don't know the difference between the two, then you're not one of the sharper knives in the drawer.

And the sex-with-children bit is a ridiculous red herring.

I'm a parent. I've never had to so much as raise a hand. I'm lucky. I've got a great kid who wants to please. But sometimes, spankings -- not beatings, and not done by reflex out of anger -- are a useful disciplinary tool.

Hope I never need to go that route. I don't think I'll have to. But I will, if necessary.