Chris Jones on depression (his own) and suicide

^ All of this.

There are times when I'm all but completely overtaken by anxiety while trying to write.

Hope you're okay, Chris.

 

I don't know Chris well but I know him and can say without reservation that I love him. He's that kind of guy. But depression has no logic, no sense. We came within inches of losing my brother to suicide last summer. Nobody can know the courage it takes to face this kind of pain.

If you're reading this, Chris ... hang in there. You're one of the truly good guys.

 

^^
This (though I'm not a hypochondriac, but can relate to the panic that strikes when hunkered down). I adore Chris, adore his writing, and hope this helps opens the curtains for him. And I've no doubt it will inspire many here who have disclosed their own battles with depression, because it sure helps knowing you're not alone.

 

Chris, you're a brave man.

I admire you.

Good luck.

 

Chris recently wrote a piece on Grantland about hockey player suicides and depression.

 

Is there a link to the full piece anywhere?

 

Here ya go:

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6958966/the-survivor

 

Been there, done that.

I was driving back from an assignment on a hot summer afternoon in 2000, on an isolated two-lane highway, and I thought, "man, it would be so easy to just drive off this road, hit a tree and be done with it."

Shook me up so bad, I went home and told my wife; she got on the phone to my physician and he saw me that very day. I've been on anti-depressants ever since. Took awhile to find the right one, and giving up alcohol a couple of years later proved to be the biggest step, but I don't have near the problem with depression I once had.

 

Hey guys,

Chris here. Got a couple of semi-frantic (and very kind) emails and thought, What's going on? I suspect this has something to do with it.

I appreciate Dick's mentioning of the story, and he picked a pretty juicy (har!) paragraph, but just to be clear, this story recounts a period of my life that happened more than three years ago. I'M MUCH BETTER NOW.

The story's part of a larger package in the new Esquire about mental health. I'm not sure whether they'll post it online. I have battled anxiety and depression, and I've had some very dark times, but I made it through and now find myself in a really good spot. I'm not embarrassed about what happened to me—I don't really get embarrassed—but it wasn't like there was anything I could have done to avoid it. And I feel like it's something we don't talk about enough, which is why I wrote stories like the hockey one mentioned above. This is important to me.

I'd be naive not to think that being a writer had something to do with what I went through—I spend a lot of time inside my own head—but I wouldn't trade my profession or my path for anything. If this is the trade I had to make, then I'd make it again, every time.

So, thank you for your concern, but really, all is well. I say this gently: I appreciate your empathy very much, but please save it for someone in your own life who might need it. One thing I've learned is that you would never guess who's carrying around this shit inside him.

And if you need help, there's no shame in asking for it. Believe me, it's better than going it alone and falling short.

I hope you're all well. Thank you again for the kind words. They mean a lot.

Love,
CJ

 

The inherent nature of the business -- long hours, competitive nature of most reporters -- makes having a support system really hard in the first place. The overthinking and isolation is just the cherry on top.

(Chris, thanks for writing this.)

 

Chris, God bless you for writing this. It hits way too close to home.

 

No outing.

Seriously, we're glad you're okay and thriving. Keep up the great work and thanks for continuing to bring these stories to the forefront.