Cole Hamels

Heh-heh.

I watched his first start and saw that he had not-your-usual-everyday stuff. The type of stuff you even notice from the center-field camera.

 

I have Hamels on my fantasy team, so his performance today makes me feel better after not starting Ben Sheets the other day (I forgot to switch my pitchers.)

 

Nobody's mentioned www.colehamelsfacts.com yet?

 

I'm dyin' here.

So far, the best: "Cole Hamels once pegged a batter so hard that the batter's twin brother died. He then ate their corpses, pooped them out and struck that out too."

 

"For Halloween, Chuck Norris went as Cole Hamels."

 

"Cole Hamels once threw a ball so fast that nobody on the Earth could hit it. The pitch ended up orbiting the solar system, striking out creatures from other planets as well. The ball is now referred to as Cole's Comet and has Martians wondering, "Can Cole Hamels throw a ball so fast that it can strike himself out?" Upon hearing this question, Cole Hamels threw another fastball at Mars causing the planet to blow up on impact; forever teaching the universe not to question the awesome powers of Cole Hamels."

 

Bravo.

 

I think this has to be my favorite:

"68. Cole Hamels will win 1 Cy Young... and 11 Cole Hamels."

Goes well with Dunn's quote, too.

 

"On his off days, Cole Hamels kicks Chuck Norris' ass and then sleeps with Chuck's woman. When she regains her strength (on Coles's scheduled start days), she kicks Chuck's ass."

 

"When Smokey the Bear said, "Only you can prevent forest fires," he was speaking only to Cole Hamels."

 

Cole Hamels invented the C-section when he threw a 100 mph fastball through his mother's belly. ;D