Crazy neighbors

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner.

 

There's a guy that lives across the street from us. My wife is convinced he's a real-life Buffalo Bill of Silence of the Lambs. We've met him once or twice. He's in his 30s. Seems like a nice enough guy -- but isn't that what they always say about the crazy serial killer?

In the nearly year that we've lived here, neither of us has ever seen anyone come visit him. No family, no friends, no girlfriend/boyfriend, no nobody. He owns two cars, but lives alone, and neither car is really that nice -- it's not like he has a daily driver and a fancy weekend/fun car. His window blinds are always drawn, and you never see light coming from inside the house. As far as we can tell, he doesn't have a job (unless it's work-from-home) because he always seems to be home. (we only see the car on the rare occassion his garage door is open) We almost never have seen him coming or going.

It's not like we're spying on the guy, but in the nearly year that we've lived here, we've seen everybody else driving down the street, or unloading groceries, or simply out in the yard hanging out. Never him.

Anyway, wife's convinced he's got a bunch of prostitutes or 13-year-old boys tied up in a dungeon in his basement. That's my crazy neighbor story.

 

I don't know why, but that "durr pepper" made me crack up laughing.

 

"Do you think he shot Buckwheat?"

"Oh yes. Definitely. That's all he talked about."

 

This thread's been up for almost two hours now and there's been no reference to spnited?

You people disappoint me.

 

When I was growing up we had this crazy bastard living next door to us. Guy was old and had basically lost his mind -- not that he was entirely sane during his healthier days.

For whatever reason, in his Alzheimer's daze, this man became obsessed with dogs, kids and firewood. Hated the first two, loved the third. He literally chased me and my friends one day with a shotgun because we were "walking too close to his house." Another day, he used said shotgun to shoot across our backyard at our other neighbor's dog, which the crazy neighbor felt was barking a little too much. Luckily, the dog was far enough away that the pellets did no real damage. Another dog wasn't so lucky, however. We could never prove it, but we were positive that he opened another neighbor's fence, allowed his dog to get out and then shot and killed it when it entered his yard. We definitely know he shot the dog, since he was arrested and convicted for that little incident. (I'd also like to mention that we weren't exactly living in the sticks during this. This all took place in a middle-class neighborhood in a decent-sized city.)

The strangest was the firewood, though. He just kept buying firewood and stacking it around his backyard. To this day, some 20 years after he bought his last load of wood, there is still a big stack of it behind that house.

Now, here's the crazy part. About a week after he was arrested for shooting the dog, the guy goes to some sort of flea market in another town, where he runs into that town's version of him. Our nutty neighbor goes out behind a building at the flea market to take a piss and that town's nutty neighbor takes a shot at one of his neighbor's dogs, misses and kills our nutty neighbor.

 

Just wanted to check back in and thank y'all for your efforts. The first page of this thread is almost wall-to-wall comedy gold, and well received by myself on a bit of a rough day. Keep up the good work, folks.

(For some reason, the Dr. Seuss/Dr Pepper line got me the most. Gold star.)

 

Sounds like you've got a real issue there MertWindu. Maybe you should be more courtesy and keep your walking in your own apartment to a minimum or even better crawl around. And how dare you park in the spot where his nonexistent car would park. The gull!

So here's my crazy neighbor story.

I live in an old house that was converted into an four apartments. I'm on the top floor with one across the hall (who is the former district judge coughs for about 20 straight minutes daily at 4 a.m., but is still a pretty cool guy) and one in the back of the building. The most entertaining tenants are below me.

It's a couple (boyfriend/girlfried) and the guy is the son of the landlords, who happen to live in the other half of the double below the coughing guy. Now to get a picture of this guy he's in his mid-30s, has a trans-am in the parking lot that hasn't moved in 10 years and is missing a quarter-panel, a white delivery van that creeps me out every time I see it, and on top of all that he's totally stuck in the 80s (I'm guessing his glory days, but by the looks of him I doubt anything about his life has ever been glorious).

His girlfriend is a revolting blob. She's just hideous. She's about five foot tall by five foot wide and stinks. She just has a greasy look about her. I heard from coughing guy all she eats is fried foods which would explain the fact that she's carrying an extra bill. And boy is she mean. Her angry voice just cuts through you like nothing you can imagine.

They used to have what I called Free-for-all Friday. Said 80s guy would get drunk on Bud all afternoon and blast some Skid Row or White Snake or some other glam 80s band. Said revolting blob would come home from work (I have no clue what she does) and proceed to yell at him for at least 30 minutes about how he's a loser and a is disgusting and is an alcoholic (he's now in a halfway house, but still comes home on weekends). I can hear every word over the blasting music, which I'm just assuming was coming from a record player. After the 30-minute yelling spree, the music would go off and I'd never hear another sound the rest of the night. I secretly hoped that they had killed each other, but alas my hopes were dashed when I'd see one of them the next day.

 

Thanks for adding to the overall gloom today.

I am so glad I don't live in an apartment anymore.

 

Does he look like this guy?

 

Nice.

 

I left out that he's in a halfway house b/c he's gotten four DUIs in the past 10 years and got out of prison thanks to coughing guy. So try to picture someone who's in their mid 30s and has been ravaged by every drug known to man. And don't forget that's he's a scumbag. That should help.