Dear dimwit on the phone

Readers will remember forever if you wrote something negative about their favorite team.

If you wrote a piece about their mother being named mother of the year, they'd forget it tomorrow.

 

JF: Hello, this is JF with the Podunk Times returning your call.
Ignorant mother: Yes, I wanted to complain about the game story being critical of the team in Monday's paper.
JF: Our game story ran in Saturday's paper.
IM: Well, I guess that thing that ran in Monday's paper.
JF: You mean my viewpoint column.
IM: That's it.
JF: What didn't you like about it?
IM: I thought you were mocking our Hickstown Raiders.
JF: The column was very complimentary, overall, about the performance of the Raiders in their win over the Bumbersfield Cows. What part of it didn't you like?
IM: Well I thought you were mocking our team.
JF: Can you give me an example?
IM: No, but I thought you were mocking our team. And so did everyone here in Hickstown.
JF: How many people did you talk to?
IM: I told three people I thought you were mocking our team and they agreed with me after reading it.
JF: Then those three people aren't the entire town.
IM: Well I'm going to cancel my subscription if something like that is printed again.
JF: Look, I'm trying to understand what you didn't like about the column in specific. The only thing I can possibly think of is we listed some areas each team needs to work on, and said this is not uncommon, especially after the first game. For the Raiders, they needed to work on finishing tackles because several Cows running backs brought free.
IM: Oh, I don't know, but I didn't like how you were mocking the team. If you do it again I will cancel my subscription.

JF: Well have a good night. Click.

 

@ Jefferson...

Stop mocking this message board with those posts.
I IM'd two other guys on here and they agreed you are mocking this board.
If you continue with your mocking posts, I will no long come to this board.

lol

 

Why do you mock me, O Lord?

 

"I weel taunt you for a secont time, you seely English perrrrson."

 

Dimwit gold, right there.

 

Dear coaches calling in results,
The winning team's score always goes first.
There are no exceptions.
We're not printing that you lost a football game 6-22 or a volleyball match 9-25, 14-25, 12-25 to make your team feel better by having its score show up first.
Thanks,
fossywriter8

 

Dear Cross Country coach,
It's all well and good that one of your athletes was chosen as athlete of the week by a website dedicated to all things running.

But I didn't get that information until today, and there's no way we can get it in the paper for tomorrow because we have limited space. It has nothing to do with it being cross country or anything like that.

I'm sorry if you or your AD -- who I also CC'd in my latest response -- can't see it that way.

KY

 

Wait...what?!

 

Was that close to having that happen with football previews this year. It was a school on the outer edge of our cirulation area, and before starting our camp trips we decided to do this school's preview as a phoner. A new coach and new AD, neither of which returned phone calls or emails to the addresses/phone numbers we had for them. On top of that, on their Maxpreps page they had two games scheduled against an all-girls school in LA (which might have been good, considering they were 0-19 last year). Even put them last in the batting order just in case of a breakthrough, which we got when we started the series and the coach e-mailed us, wondering why we weren't writing about them? Love it when a plan works!

 

You win.

 

To be fair, your line about Bumbersfield ballcarriers running though the Hickstown defense like shit through a goose could be misconstrued by some readers as being the teensiest bit mocking.