Dear dimwit on the phone

Yeah, I want to thank the coach from the local academy team who called his game from Friday night at 9:30 p.m. Saturday. His two paragraphs get in the Wednesday midweek notebook.

 

Just talked to the cross country coach of the Christian school in our coverage area. She was wanting to know if I could get her team in the season preview.

She's a nice enough lady, but she's about a month and a half late on that one.

 

Just got a call from a coach who wanted us to write about his unbeaten 5- to 7-year-old pee wee football team.

I'm not inclined to do so, even though it may keep the kids from getting into the best elementary schools.

 

You're just lucky they're not playing football. Then parents could make a case you were costing them a chance at being recruited by a European team!

 

It could lead into a great expose on how the local Catholic school recruits.

 

OK, cool. I was just wondering if your guy might have actually been out of touch, and they tracked the other guy down.
I would be pissed if I were you.

 

Dear water polo mom,
No, I won't leave at halftime just Springfield is getting bitchslapped by Shelbyville. We have readers in Shelbyville, too, and today they're the story!

 

Dear Cross Country coach,
I appreciate that you have embraced our "email stats and an optional quote" routine, even if you email me the next day usually, but honestly "Johnny Smith finished 12th at the invitational" is not a quote I plan on using.

 

But what if it was little Jimmy?

 

It always comes back to the Little Jimmies ...

 

C-o-n-spiracy. Them cross county coaches are in it with them spidahs.

 

In all fairness, if this is a new routine you're offering coaches, it may take some time for them to get it. I'd politely reply with a description of more of what you're looking for and see if it improves. To his credit he did put in some effort to get you results, which is more than I can say for many of our coaches/statisticians.