Dear dimwit on the phone

Gotcha. There are two places in the league that (primary coverage school) plays in which don't have tracks around them. But even at those places, the field is a long way from the bleachers.

 

Dear three-sport athlete who tweeted that we suck dick,

Don't be surprised to see us tweet back and ask why.

 

But make sure you thank them for reading!

 

Oh, of course. After all, it's such an effective way to lobby for more coverage (which, it turns out, is what the kid wants)...

 

Caller: My son's soccer game wasn't in the paper.
Me: That's right. The score came in after our deadline. But it's on our website.
Caller: Well, what good is that? No one uses the Internet.

 

Hey Podunk Press, you suck cock.

All we can get.

 

That's a new one ...

 

No sir, I will not go check my files and email you 4 requested issues of the newspaper. If you're that interested in what we publish...perhaps you should consider a subscription? Or at least come by and plunk down a couple quarters.

Does anyone walk into Safeway and ask the cashier if they can just take the box of Cheerios?

 

Hey coach thanks for the curse-filled quotes that leave me with little to work with...oh by the way, you won tonight's match.

Meanwhile, the other team's coach was a pro...gracious in defeat, even though the referee basically handed the other school the win on a questionable call on match point.

 

Bit of a crass come on, but it could work in the right circumstance, I suppose.

 

Look, flex, she DID step over the line!

 

Dear crazed lacrosse parent who was in my dream today,

I understand you really wanted a roster for the local team but when I explained to you where you could find one, that did not mean I was going to take the time to get it for you. You made me miss several key plays in the football game I was covering and shooting and I did not appreciate it.

Also, I'm still not entirely sure why the Undertaker was chasing us and trying to kill us and how we all ended up on an Ellen-type talk show because of that chase is still a mystery.

Please stay out of my dreams in the future. I prefer to think about having sex with hot chicks.

-Schieza

(P.S. This all actually happened in my head last night. It was weird).