Dear dimwit on the phone

Dear minor league hockey fan on our message board,

I'm sorry I'm spending the game on Twitter. You see, the editors at my paper like it when I announce online that a goal is scored. That's the medium they prefer me to do it on. I'm sorry you have such a problem with me taking notes on my computer instead of actually writing anything down on paper. I'm sorry that showing up at 6:15 for a game that started at 7 wasn't early enough to satisfy you.

Most of all, I'm sorry that the game you paid $15 to get into is so boring that you're busy watching me instead of what's happening on the ice.

 

Wow, that dude needs to go find a new outlet if stalking you is his pastime.

 

no doubt...that's creepy.

 

Dear Mr. Publisher and Wife of Publisher,

I get that you're new in town and the people that you've met are soccer nuts and your son is a pretty good goalkeeper...but this is South Carolina and the people that buy your newspaper care about three sports -- football, baseball and spring football. When you draw literally 10 people at soccer games (winless) and the state championship baseball team that plays at the same time draws several hundred for a mid-week game....guess where I'm going. Your coach even says, "I'll shoot you an email, don't worry about coming...we suck."

You can stop with the threatening to fire me at anytime...and can you tell your bitchy wife to stop picking fights with my wonderful wife at their department meetings at the school they share...not exactly a good look.

Sincerely,
The guy that before you arrived was the interim editor/sports editor/copy editor/interim publisher/interim circulation director/interim pressroom manager

 

You should cover the next match he sends you to and take a nice wide shot of ... the lack of a crowd.

 

Dear backyard wrestling enthusiast,
That sucks that some of your equipment got stolen, but if the cops haven't been able to figure out what happened in the month since the theft, I doubt a newspaper sports department will be able to crack the case.
Also, classy move posting that on our facebook wall, then having your friend comment on the post "I would really be interested in ready an article published on that topic" (actual quote). You realize that all I have to do is click on your name on facebook and see that the two of you are friends, right?

 

I've gotten some crap about covering Podunk Baptist University sports from the higher ups in person. I went to their men's basketball home opener against Bumblefuck Atheist College and it was students and a few parents. I felt like getting some nice wide shots to show the many empty seats. This is why we cover high school games instead of Podunk Baptist games when they play on the same night, because our coverage is driven by interest in high school sports.

I also love hearing that Podunk Baptist is three-time defending regional champions, when the region consists of six schools. Had to try and explain to higher up that this is like winning a league title in preps.

 

Sounds like soccer is the sport of the future -- your future.

 

Or go cover the winless team when they face a league-champion caliber squad and pull no punches. Of course, if you take that advice, you'll probably want to clean out your desk just after deadline
Sorry, man...sounds like you've got a no-win situation there. Get those clips together and look for an escape pod, perhaps???

 

It may have been one of the greatest acts of courage I ever saw in a newsroom, the day the city editor resisted the publisher's inquiries about the publicity photo of the school play going as the A1 centerpiece. I'm sure the fact that the publisher's kidlet was in the play was a coincidence.

 

Ha!

 

Why yes, cross country parent, you're right. Putting the story about your kid's victory in a huge meet at the top of my section wasn't enough. I should've made another photo smaller (her actual suggestion) to fit in a photo of your kid. I'd be glad to let you design my next section to figure out how to do that.