Dear dimwit on the phone

Love when the "experts" chime in on how to do our job...I've been this close to asking where they work and see if I can drop by and give them some pointers, as well.

 

Flex: One of the good things about the fact that my publisher can hear me when I am on the phone (small weekly, small office) is that I am not even tempted to say, "So where do you work? I would love to come down and help you do your job better."

Granted, sometimes we screw up, but not as often as we get calls.

 

I have an open challenge and I tell this to anyone who questions how difficult it is to do this: Pick a day, any day, and come into my office and try to do my job.

No takers yet.

 

That's scary. Someone could take you up on that offer and fill the sports section with photos of the East Podunk JV cheer team.

 

Considering that a lot of our readers bitch about how they can't read our paper on the "Interwebs" because they don't have a computer, I'm fairly confident this challenge will never be accepted.

 

Not a phone call, but another email. This time, it's from a first-year cross country coach:

Dear XC Coach,
I know you'd like to vote for your own kids because you think they have no shot at winning anything on our All-Area team, but the rules say you CANNOT vote for your own kids.

No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you can't follow those rules ... Guess I'll have to vote for her.

KY

 

Yesterday's voicemail, in smart-ass tone: "Why hasn't there been anything in the paper Sunday or today about Iowa State's football game against Texas A&M? I mean, is the game over by now? I guess if you don't have anything in, I have to assume they lost."

A. Iowa State played Texas A&M in October and lost. It was on Page 1 of Sports. B. Iowa State was off last Saturday.

So, after today's story from Iowa State's weekly press conference where the coach and players talked about how good it was to have the week off, comes this voicemail from the same guy, in a sheepish tone: "I'm sorry. I guess I forgot Iowa State didn't play on Saturday."

 

You got a return call with an apology? That is amazing.

 

When I came in and saw the message light was on, I was hoping that was the call. As soon as I heard it, I started laughing.

 

Best one from today:

Me: Sports, how can I help you?

Caller: Why isn't the Big State U game on channel 3 like the papers says it will be?

Me: A basketball game? I'm not aware of a basketball game?

Caller: No, no, no. Football. The football game. Why isn't the game on?

Me: Sir, it's Tuesday. All of Big State U games are all on Saturday this season. The game is Saturday, and it's only on pay-per-view.

Caller: Oh. (pause). I'm 91 years-old.

Words fail me.

 

Dear Dimwit Woman emailing me,

No, I cannot tell you where Podunk High's playoff game will be "broadcast live,streaminglive" this Friday as you so elegantly write. Nor can I tell you if Time Warner Cable is broadcasting the game.

This is because I work for the local weekly newspaper, not the local radio station or Time Warner Cable. If you can navigate to our website and find my email address to ask me this question, you can surely figure out how to go to the local radio station's website or Time Warner Cable's website and see where this game will be "broadcast live, streaminglive."

Sincerely,
SFIND

 

That would be OK, because they do work hard.