Dear dimwit on the phone

Did you call a news conference, sit at a table with T-Mobile, Verizon and AT&T hats, and then put on the T-Mobile hat to indicate where you were signing?

 

Yep. At least two. I've seen them share a cup of something that looks like chocolate mousse.

 

Actually, I signed with Verizon but David Stern canceled the deal at the last minute and made me stay with T-Mobile for at least another 66 phone calls.

 

Dear Central Podunk boy's basketball coach:

I thoroughly enjoyed hearing you bitch about why you didn't see the results from yesterday's game between Central Podunk and South Shitsville in today's paper. It probably wasn't due to the fact that when you did decide to call in the results of that 4 p.m. game, you leisurely chose to do so less than five minutes before our midnight deadline, rather than do what every single other coach in our area does and call it in at at, say, 7 or 8 p.m. I mean, it's not like I was the one who also took that score and flat-out told you last night that it was waaay too late for you call in a result (to which you laughed it off like I was joking).

No, sir. The real reason why your score didn't make it into print is because, as you suggested, we hate your school and we do whatever we can to "keep the little guy from getting his props." (And never mind that the full results were immediately posted online right after you called...)

Listen, I don't expect you to know when our deadline is. But it sure as hell ain't my problem that you waited until the latest possible moment to fulfill one of your expectations as coach.

-nck228

 

Dear guy who complained we cover Podunk Tech all the time and never cover Podunk High: I want you to meet this guy, who complained two months ago we cover Podunk High all the time and never cover Podunk Tech. I think you two have a lot to talk about!

 

(This is not about Smash)

If you spend enough time in certain parts of the Internet, you realize that many of the girls on the Internet are guys.

 

In our area, seventh and eighth graders used to be able to play JV football, but now they can't. Our local middle schools have an entire league just for them now. Other sports, you can play JV.

 

On the plus side, you still are will the hot T-Mobile chick.

 

Figured I'd take this in the other direction.

Dear Private School AD,
While I didn't want your athlete to blame me for you yelling at him after he showed up late to the headshot photo shoot we set up, it warmed my heart to hear you say to him "what you did was selfish, because it is preventing someone from doing their job." I think the kids sometimes think I do my work for fun, so it was nice to have an AD make a point.
Thanks,
Rhody

Dear Public School AD,
Thanks for helping me out with your horrible swim coach who never calls back after I call her non-stop for three days so I can get preview information. Thanks for pulling the captains from your boys and girls swim team out of class so I could find out some information about the teams, get my quotes and have enough to do a story. Your coach might be a worthless bitch, but the kids aren't and I don't want to punish them because she sucks.
Thanks for the help,
Rhody

 

Nicely turned, Rhody.

 

As much as I love to vent my anger on this thread, I'll play Rhody's game.

Dear football coach whose team got beat by five touchdowns in the state championship game:

We've long known you were a class act, but you gave us a good reminder in the aftermath of the loss. After making your comments to the media, you took direction of the player interviews, suggested we break up and grab who we need rather than doing it news conference style, and then told your group deeply disappointed players, "guys, take this opportunity to talk about what happened and talk about the season."

Some coaches wouldn't know how to handle it. I've been in similar situations where it's contrived and awkward and devastated teenagers are facing a room full of reporters not knowing how to conduct themselves. That gets a little awkward for us too. And somehow even though you'd never coached a team in the state championship game before you knew what to do.

On and off the field, a lot of coaches could learn a lot from watching you.

Sincerely, The Hacker

Now ... let's not go on with this sappiness for too long before we get back to ripping dimwits!

 

I got one of those "why don't you write more about our teams" calls this week.

Often, the answer is "when your teams win more often, then we'll write more."

This case was a bit more nuanced ... the football team went 8-5, I think, but it seems like almost every time we were there, they lost. I know, the old cliche. But this team consistently lost games that pushed us in the following week to look elsewhere. Then, their first playoff game was on the road (won), then we covered the next game and they lose.

This really was a mainly case of some bad timing.