Dear dimwit on the phone

Mad nutbar not satisfied that I won't reprint an obituary without a death certificate because I want proof that we misspelled a name (we printed his father's obituary with the spelling we used with the brother of the nutbar's obit and I had a sister very irate with me for the obit, so I was not inclined to run it anyway): I want to speak with your head editor!
Me: I am the head editor.
NB: No, I want to speak with the head editor!
Me: I AM the head editor!
NB: Of the whole Podunk News?
Me: Yes! You want the publisher...
NB: No, you're the obituary editor, I want the head editor!
Me: I am the head editor, you want the publisher.

And this went on for a few more minutes.
Note to self, never accept a paid obit from someone who doesn't have a phone again!

 

Dear grandma of someone who made the local high school honor roll,
Yes it would be nice to have a photo of the honor roll students, but with about 350 students making the honor roll from the high school, there's really no way for us to get a photo. The logistics would be a pain, not to mention, we're not going to take a quarter of the student body out of class, get teachers pissed off, have to spend an hour getting high schoolers to settle down long enough to shoot a good photo, just to get something where the faces will literally be lost in the crowd.

Signed,
Spartan

 

Caller: I can't believe you didn't have my son making all-state in the paper.
Me: There was a story on the top of B1.
Caller: Yeah, I know that. That's all he gets?
Me: His name was in the headline. The only name.
Caller: Yeah, but that's all the bigger story he gets?
Me: What would you like?
Caller: Well, I mean, it's a great honor.
Me: I know. That's why his mug shot is on the top of A1 with a refer to the story.
Caller: I didn't see that.
Me: Uh-huh.
Caller: Seriously, though, how many kids have ever gotten all-state?
Me: From here?
Caller: Yeah.
Me: In my 10 years here, about 40.
Caller: What? No, that's impossible.
Me: I think I would know. I've nominated all of them.
Caller: Well, this is why I don't buy your rag. Lousy coverage.
Me: You have a good night.

 

What the hell did the guy want, you to throw him a parade? A five-part series as to why his son is awesome?

 

that is crazy rtse...case of an overly excited parent.
You handled it well, but I know I hate dealing with those kind of calls...no-win situations.

 

Thing is, he's going to be our area player of the year. (Maybe player of the CENTURY, we haven't decided yet.) And he's probably going D-3.

 

I don't think it's too unreasonable for you to consider, just consider, renaming your entire paper in honor of this kid. Clearly, he worked very hard.

 

Oh, come on, that's just silly.
We are accepting donations for the statue in our lobby though.

 

So he's a cheerleader.

Great.

 

Email I received today. For the record, this kid's name has never appeared in any paper I've put out. Not sure what's up here:

My grandson's name is spelled Garret XXX (only one t in Garret) #34. Last year I sent you an e-mail with his correct spelling of his name. Garret has just finished his freshman year. He will be playing 3 more years for Podunk. Garret works extremely hard to be the best player he can be and I am sure you will be writing his name many more times in next 3 years. Garret, I am sure would like to see his name spelled correctly.


Patsy

Garret XXX's Nana

 

Does another paper serve the same school? I was once baffled by someone over the phone who was complaining I got all these things wrong in an article about a school common with a paper to the west of us. When I asked her to tell me who wrote it, I had to tell her she had called the wrong paper.

 

They do, but that paper doesn't cover freshman anything. I wonder if she is just nutso or the previous SE spelled it wrong around this time last year and she made sure I wasn't going to.