Dear dimwit on the phone

Dear Schieza:

You, sir, are spot on. Keep bringing the background noise from Siberia.

-Petrie

 

I guess the solution on Facebook would be to only add people you actually know and care about what's going on in their lives.

So why come here?

 

Except "Kwame" isn't on Facebook, he's in work email. He's kind of like doodah, always wanting his stuff to be evaluated. Hey, I've got nastygrams from corporate proving how far behind I am in evaluations for my current staff!

 

Dear Junior Legion coach,

When you call your game in: 1. Make sure you have the book in front of you when you call 2. Make sure you have first names of your opponent 3. When I ask for your record do not respond "before or after the game?"

The more information you provide, the more information gets in the paper. Since you gave me next to nothing, only the final score will appear in the paper

Thank you and have a nice day.

 

That guy is still around?

 

Not that I know of (and only Moddy knows for sure) but he's the first thing I could think of when trying to explain "Kwame."

 

Dear sir with the NYT crossword in front of him,

We here at the Podunk Press, with our working internet connections, are far too busy to help you figure out the clues to said puzzle .... EVERY DAY. Whether it's "What are those flowers associated with that big golf tournament in Georgia" or "What was the name of the actor who played JR on the original Dallas," please stop calling.

Yours kindly,

People still actual stuff to do

 

Reminds me of the guy who calls our newsroom at around the same time EVERY FREAKING DAY asking if a certain person from a certain family is in our obits.

 

"Buy the paper and find out!" *click*

 

Dear 10-mile road race official,

While I appreciate your help with getting a spot in the pace car for tonight's road race event, I could have done without your nagging questions regarding some middle school sports "state championship" pictures and "article" you allegedly sent me (Never did) and our sports staff.

First, I don't know why it didn't run. Second, I don't care that it didn't run. Third, as hard as this will be for you to believe, no one cares about middle school sports. Fourt, as hard as this will be for you to believe, no, more people wouldn't "run out to buy the paper" if said "article" was in the paper.

Again, no one cares about middle school sports.

Yours in Christ,

Schieza

 

Yeah, that's pretty much it. If I post two things per week, that's about average. I have a handful of friends I follow and it makes it easier to keep up with what's happening in their world. But strangers? No thanks. I always figured these people who have 1,000 people on their friend list were pretty superficial.

 

To be fair to him, if it's the guy from my town, people actually do care about that crap. The thing he submitted about them winning a second-straight middle school track championship did better than another team's high school championship. I think it's a matter of numbers - MS track teams have something like 30 to 60 kids on them.