Dear dimwit on the phone

We run the police logs on 2-A and the court reports right under it.

 

I wonder if some of the callers we get are just people like this: http://www.dontevenreply.com/index.php

 

Oh, my. Got some good laughs (laffs?) from that.

 

Someone should send that to The Onion. Absolutely hilarious

 

Well, sir, I'm not sure how you arrived at this conclusion but let me guide you:

The college box score was on the same page as the college story. In fact, it was at the end of the story. The reason you seem to be baffled about why the box score doesn't match what I wrote is that the one you're looking at is for Friday's high school game, which is on a different page and says "Podunk High Box" over the top of it. But I do appreciate the effort you made to get so confused.

 

That level of confusion requires real talent and effort.

 

The guy needs GPS for his newspaper.

 

Look, sir, I know you think we're incompetent, but I believe we are good enough to know to get an attempted murder that leads to a police standoff that brings in the SWAT team to our little city with all of five murders in five years in the next edition after the incident. Our first publication is today since the incident, so it's a safe bet it is in today's. And if deductive reasoning isn't enough, the five column photo of the SWAT team above the fold with "Standoff in Podunk" in 72-point type should give you a clue.

 

Yeah, sometimes I just wanted to tell someone like that, "Gee, ya think?!?". However, I held my tongue. I've also been told I'm too nice for my own good.

 

Until the day comes that somehow you miss a major story and everyone things, "Well, they know about that."

 

I win this thread.

An actual email, from an alleged reader (with names changed to protect the innocent).


***

Hello,

I am not sure who I am suppose to contact in regards to my request, so I am emailing several reporters within the staffing department. I hope this does not cause conflict and I apologize up front if I am contacting the wrong people. Can you please give me some assistance and guidance.

This Saturday, 9/29/12, there will be a high school marching band competition held at Bumblefuck High School. I would like to do a special feature of this because my son's college marching band will be in attendance doing a special performance for the high school kids. My son, Little Joey, along with Big Stevie and Richie Rich are graduates of West Bumblefuck HS and alumni of WB Marching Yellow Hornets and are currently attending Upstate University and 3 of the 500 person Marching Fuckwads of UUniversity, who will be here on Saturday at Bumblefuck High to do a special performance at 3pm. You did a featured piece of my son, Little Joey, back in 2010-2011, when he being a graduate of Bumblefuck Marching Eagles went to London to perform in the New Years Day Parade held for the Queen of England with the Update State Marching Ducks.

Now the Ducks are coming to town and I think this would be a great opportunity to do a featured report of how important and impacting music and marching band is to our Bumblefuck Community and our kids. The Performing Arts of Music does not get enough recognition as to how important it is to our children and their future. My son, Little Joeyhis childhood friends, Stevie & Mary Jane are just 3 examples of the this.

What I would like to do and I will pay for this featured article if I have too but would prefer that it's news worthy enough for me not too, is have a reporter meet me at the competition on Saturday, catch the performance of Bumblefuck's performance then see for yourself the performance of Upstate University. See the impact to the all the kids who are watching. I would like to have the reporter meet Mrs. Cindy Lou, high school band Director of Bumblefuck to get a few words from her then meet the Director, Mr. JoeBob the of the Upstate University Band and get a few words from him as to why he takes his Marching Band to High Schools in the first place, the message he is trying to get out there for these kids and I can also arrange a quick meeting to
get a few words from a MIDDLE SCHOOL Band Director, Mrs. Gobbledeegook, who can give a few words to the impact of even the youngest of kids, where the introduction of picking up that instrument takes place in our school system in 6th grade and her role in that beginning process. This is perfect opportunity to see the chain of events unfold from 6th grade through college, the impact that this SPORT, ( it is a sport even though it's not fully recognized as one), time, effort, tears and sweat that goes into the years and years and years of practices and performing that these kids have done. Joey and Betty Sue are Juniors at Update University and Stevie a Sophomore, all three of these young accomplished adults that came from the Bumblefuck School system
have been playing their instrument of choice since the 6th grade, they started from the beginning and hung in there through all the work, all the practices, all the years, all of that hard work to find themselves performing with one of the top rated college Marching Bands in the United States.

I would like a featured picture to be taken, if I can coordinate it with the chaos of the day of Mr. Giggles, Mrs. MaryJane, Mrs. Whatshername standing with Joey, Stevie & Betty Sue, in front of the three band directors then in front of them, three Bumblefuck marching band members and then in front of them, three middle school kids, kinda like in a pyramid, show casing the generation from the youngest to what they become of the eldest, the director's. However, with the different time
schedules involved of all three bands, I will need the reporter to be in attendance from about 1pm to 3:30ish pm to get the picture and see the performances and get the feel for what this featured article is truly about. I will describe to the reporter during performances and Upstate U's performance of what they are seeing and how things work during this two in a half window of the reporters time and take the reporter to the director's for a quick interview in between the shows and i will try and coordinate this featured photo I speak of doing if at all possible.

That is a featured article I'd pay for to have in our community news paper. The dynamics from middle school directors, such as Mrs. Whosacallit through a college Director such as Mr. Whatshisname and the achievements of both the students and the Director's who as Bumblefuck so NOTABLY states as their modo works together, " AS ONE." All in the name of the Performing Arts of Music.

Who might I speak with or hire or whatever it is I need to do or talk to, to get a reporter for this. Again, I apologize if I am emailing the wrong place, perhaps direct me to the right person to speak with.

Thank you for your time and response,

 

Wow.