Dear dimwit on the phone

Oh, how I lobbied management to make people pay for ads to announce their camps. At the rates they charge the parents, they can afford an ad. Alas, I was always smacked down by that public service bullshit. Cancer fundraiser? Free. Junior high hoops camp? Pay for it.

 

This thread is great. I could post here all day.

Guy calls asking if the G column in the baseball leaders stands for "grounders."

NFL game involving the local team had a botched field goal hold, so some guy calls wondering why plays aren't whistled dead since the kick holder has his knee down. Did he actually want to argue that every single field goal attempt in history should've been ruled down the second the holder got the ball?

Guy calls wondering if game whatever of some NBA finals series from the 90s was a home game or a road game. I say "I don't know" and ask him if he's tried looking it up on the internet. He asks, "How do you do that?"

Kid calls to confirm that Ken Griffey Jr. (from Ohio, No. 1 overall pick right out of high school, makes the majors at the age of 19) played baseball for Western Washington University, which doesn't even have a baseball team. I tell him that he's wrong without being too condescending and say that he was drafted right out of high school. The kid then asks what high school Griffey attended, and I'm too annoyed with him to spend five seconds looking it up online so I tell him I don't know. He tells me to call him back when I find out and gives me his number.

Lately some of the repeat offenders who call all the time asking for random scores and whatnot preface their call by saying their internet is down or their computer crashed. One time I actually said to a guy, "Your internet is down a lot, isn't it?" He still calls, but he stopped saying that.

 

That wouldn't matter in the NFL, but I have wondered about it on fake field goals in college. The holder should have to keep his knee off the ground if he's going to get up and run, throw it, or flip it to the kicker, right? Or are the rules explicitly different for placekicks?

 

I am don't make that decision at my paper...I just type up what I am told to type.

 

Explicitly different. Prime example is LSU-Florida a couple of years ago when the holder flipped it behind his shoulder while kneeling for a lateral and the game-winning TD.

 

There's an exception for the holder on field-goal attempts. As long as he doesn't raise his knee off the ground, the ball stays live. But once the knee comes off the ground, even if it's just enough to catch a high snap, he can't put it back down again.

 

Actually that's not true ... As long as he returns immediately to his knee it isn't a downed snap.

 

I believe if holder has his knee down when he receives the snap, the ball must also touch the ground (tee in high school) before the fake field goal can be attempted.

 

The rule is, in HS, he has to rise before doing anything else than hold the ball for a kick. In NCAA, he can immediately throw the ball.

The holder exception is applicable as long as there is a player in place to kick.

 

This is probably just me wanting so badly to be more sarcastic to people on Facebook and less people actually being dimwits, but here I go:

Posted a tidbit on the paper's Facebook page letting people know the police shut down a busy (busy by small town standards, 3:30 a.m. traffic by Los Angeles standards) four-lane road in both directions because of an accident. Minor injuries, nothing serious, just two big cars in the middle of the roadway. Just wanted to give a quick post to let people know to avoid the area. Get the comment about what kinds of cars were involved. Does it really matter what the cars were that much? The road is shut down is really the only news from this accident. If there were death and mayhem, I would have said there was death a mayhem if a Hummer crunched a Clown Car. It was two SUVs hitting each other because someone didn't know it's a bad idea to pull out in front of a speeding car.
Then someone asks the color of the cars. Really? What color? Our town may as well be getting cars from Henry Ford, they are all the same bloody color. We live in a very hot climate, 80 percent of the cars are white. If they were red and pink polka dot would that change what happened a whole ton? Still only a big deal because the road is shut down. If they were landing a helicopter, I would have mentioned it. Now do you want me to get you their license plate numbers and VINs while I'm at it? Hey, how bout a credit check of the drivers while I'm at it!

Again, questions aren't stupid, I just want to respond rather sarcastically. It probably stems from people on Facebook actually wanting us to give them information that they really don't need to know.

Feel better, mild sarcastic rant over.

 

The correct (sarcastic) answer is: BUY A FUCKING PAPER IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE!

 

That did cross my mind.
Also crossing my mind, if you're asking because it might be someone you know, it probably isn't someone you know. They would have called you! Hell, you might have seen their Twitter "Crap, got into an accident. Im OK #dontrunstopsigns" Or an Instagram of their smoking car Or an emo Facebook status update "Thank God. I ran the stop sign and hit a car. Not hurt! Angels were really looking out for me. Share if you believe you are watched over."