Dear dimwit on the phone

You know the guy, the one who calls to bitch because some result wasn't in the paper - except that it turns out that it was?
Yeah, that guy.
He called and left a really nasty v-mail this morning. I was delighted to call him back and point him to the result he missed,

 

CALLER: "What were the Titans and Ravens scores?"

ME: "Titans 38-20, Bengals 23-17."

CALLER: "Who did the Bengals play?"

ME: "The Ravens."


Also, the most redundant question of all time that is asked quite often:

CALLER: "What was the score of the Broncos game?"

ME: "Broncos 38, Chiefs 3."

CALLER: "So the Broncos won?"

 

A variant on this theme:

Me: "What the score of your game"

Caller: "57-44."

Me: "And who won?"

Caller: "We did."

 

Have a super sparkly call in.

 

CALLER: Hello, who won the Poster of the Year contest?

ME: Well, um, uh, that's, um, a little complicated.

 

Had something like that during volleyball season. Keep in mind I'm new to the area.

"Hey, this is Kim. We won in 3 sets tonight."

Thanks. Who the hell is Kim.

 

Well, here are some from The Toronto Star. They record and log all phone calls

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/1308589--best-of-the-city-log-2012-what-toronto-star-readers-called-to-say

For some reason, this is my favourite:

Feb. 10: Caller wants us to read the answers to yesterday’s Jumble puzzle to her over the phone

 

Yep, coaches can be that way.

I once made out a question sheet for our part-timers to try to prevent missing important information.

Which team won the game? What was the final score? Where was the game played? What are the records of the teams now? Score by quarters?

Elementary, yes, but you might be amazed at how many times that stuff was missing. I always tell them get the stat data first, then come back and get highlights.

 

"Your TV listing says the game is on ESPNU. There's no such thing as ESPNU."

 

Dear woman who lives 500 miles away and has a niece playing on a local basketball team,

I'm sorry we didn't cover that tournament your niece's team won during the weekend between Christmas and New Year's. You see, that tournament was held about 200 miles away from us and your niece's team was the only local team playing in it.

We had a tournament here in town that had local teams as half the field, there was another tournament 10 miles away that had 16 local teams in it, one 20 miles away that had another 16 local teams playing and one 35 miles that had eight local teams. So I chose to cover those local tournaments that included 40-plus teams from 20-plus local high schools, rather than sending a reporter 200 miles to cover one team from one school.

I'm sorry this means you won't be subscribing to our online edition. But you probably shouldn't carry out with your threat of subscribing to the paper 200 miles away, since they won't be covering your niece's team the rest of the year.

 

Dear Dimwit Press Woman for local Congressman,
I know our local Congressman hasn't issued a statement on the fiscal cliff vote, that is why I am asking you to get me one! I appreciate you "sending it my way" "if anything is said," but I would really like for you to get him to say something, even if it is just, "We have a deficit. The deficit is bad, m'kay. Let's not have a deficit."

 

"Can I get the scores of the Gator Bowl and Rose Bowl, and the Alamo Bowl from Dec. 29, and the Hawaii Bowl from Dec. 24?"

Clearly a non-college football fan -- probably not even a sports fan either -- who didn't watch a single bowl game and is entered in some sort of bowl game pool... and sure enough, he's even commenting about what he got wrong.