Dear dimwit on the phone

Dear soccer coach.

Please don't tell me that that actual score of your game was 15-0 but you'd prefer that I print that it was 3-0 instead.

What's that? You say you don't want to embarrass the other team's kids?

Too late.

 

Dear drunk guy in the bar:

No, I don't have time to settle a bet and answer a trivia question. I'm at work, asshat.

Love,
Beanpole.

 

If this was facebook, I'd hit the 'like' button for that! LOL

 

Tee hee. My favorite so far.

 

This always annoys me as well. The TV sched is pretty easy to locate, especially considering our section is just four pages most days, so take the time to, I dunno, actually find it.

All your answers are there.

 

Dear Opinionated One with a Rant Building Up and No One To Talk To,

This is a newspaper, not a radio talk show. We're here trying to get news gathered and pages done. We're not twiddling our thumbs waiting for a sports fan to call just so he can vent about something in the world. If you have a question, fine; if you have a story idea, fine; if you got a score to call in, fine; if you have a complaint about something in our paper, fine; we'd love to hear from you. But don't call and expect us to sit there and listen to your 10-minute dissertation about how the local ball coach needs to be fired and/or about how the ballplayers were so much better in your day.

Thank you,

Guy Who's Forced to Answer The Phones

 

My younger brother thought it was. Of course, he could be forgiven seeing that he was about 10 and even by his standards, he only got one hit in 70 attempts and it was a groundout to the pitcher.

 

Or this one:

Dear Stupid Little League parent:

Don't you know the difference between a hit and an error? When little Johnny hits the ball to the pitcher and throws it way over the first baseman's head and Johnny runs all the way to third, that isn't a triple. So please don't be calling us asking why Johnny's name isn't in the paper.

Love and kisses,

Grantland Rice

 

Dear coach of the team in the lowest level of little league,

Stop keeping track of the score in a league where they don't keep track of the score. Don't compound your idiocy at the end of the season by handing out trophies to your kids for winning the championship of a league where they don't keep track of the score — and, thus, don't keep standings — on the field after your last game in front of the head of the rec department.

Thanks,

Ape.

I got a call on this one year and parents of kids on other teams wanted me to bust this guy's balls in the paper. When I stopped laughing, I said maybe this is a thing that should be handled within the league and not dragged out in the paper.

Besides, I had to figure most of the parents of all the teams were keeping score in their heads, then telling little Johnny whether they won or lost, anyway. This guy had all the best players and then had the balls to let all the other parents and all the league officials know he had the best team and, goddamit, "participation ribbons" just weren't going to be good enough for this group.

 

Fixed.

 

Post of the thread, thus far.

 

Posted by a former colleague on Facebook:

"One time a man demanded I print results of his daughter's cheerleading competition. I demanded he sell me a new car at factory cost. Neither of us got our way."