Dear dimwit on the phone

But do you have an SE that bends over to the whims of minor sports whenever they call with a complaint or request? One year we were told to run the schedule of a local semi-pro football team and take down their agate when they called in. They were so incompetent they couldn't even get the quarter scoring to add up right.

Another time we were told to run the box scores of a semi-pro basketball team but they stopped sending them to us after like four games.

 

I run a Patch site, so I'm on my own, thankfully, for the most part - the leadership structure is wonderfully unclear for individual sites, so people often don't even realize I have a supervisor. However, of course, like any other job there are a whole host of factors that make it uncomfortable at times.

The rugby people, I did run some stuff from them. It's just that they were surprisingly insistent over the course of the week.

 

Ma'am, I appreciate you calling to let me know your son is "signing" with a NAIA school* on Wednesday at 8 a.m. But we won't be sending a reporter and photographer to cover it. You see, there are three Division I football signings and a D-I cross country signing happening at the same time.

* - Which, according to the school's website, doesn't offer athletic scholarships, just academic ones.

 

Email (parent): "I thought you might be interested in a local wrestler that accomplished a great thing."
Response: "He cured cancer?"

 

Dear Dimwit sitting behind me at the basketball game,

I'm sure your "white boy speaking like he's from the street" schtick did wonders in attracting the cute blond on your arm because it sure wasn't your basketball knowledge.
FYI a 9-9 team and a 6-11 team are likely not "two of the best teams in the state" as you claimed, when two defensive players corner the ball handler near mid-court that is a trap, not as you claimed a "double-team." And to answer your two rhetorical questions from the girls game "Why don't they pass it to the low post?" well the other team's center is draped all over your team's center's back so I'm guessing any pass into the low post is getting knocked away. And "Why aren't they guarding her?" as the other team's point guard drained a 3-pointer in the fourth quarter, well up to that point she was shooting 0-11 so I think that may have been why. In fact her jacking up a 3-pointer is about the best the defense could have hoped for there, it was just unlucky that it went in.
But please enjoy the game.

 

I wasn't working, but last season I took my father to see a Harvard football game for his 60th birthday (we're both big Crimson fans). For years we've sat next to the end zone in the closed end of the stadium on the visitor's side because it's low and generally empty except for Brown or Yale.

The Crimson were playing San Diego and midway through the first quarter a bunch of "lovely", inebriated Californians took up shop about 10 yards away from us. Usually no big deal, but one guy in the middle was constantly babbling on like he was Vince Lombardi (he was more Marty Schottenheimer in the playoffs). I tune it out best as I can (which isn't that well) and continue watching the game. Harvard goes ahead, and, eventually, one of the "lovely" Californians initiated this conversation:

Asshat: Hey bro who you guys with?
Me: Harvard.
Asshat: Really?
Me: Um...yes.
Asshat: So why are you over here?
Me: Because it's general admission
Asshat: Oh...because we were going with you guys but the cheering wasn't with the jib of these guys

Even as a kid I was never a basher of visiting fans, but it was true then and it is true now, there is nothing worse than being near a loud mouth know-nothing and people who are taking up tickets for folks who could actually enjoy them.

At least they left at the half and Harvard won.

Rant over.

 

I hate having to deal with shit like this. We have a kid "signing" with a community college and the parents think that's a story. Others "signing" with DIII schools that don't give scholarships. Another one "committing" to walk on at a school. And on and on.

 

A conversation I had just recently:

Dimwit on the phone: Yes, we're having a signing ceremony for Johnny "Ray-Ray Hoopster" Hooper. He's going to play for Ho-Ho College next year!!

Me: Really? That's great. What time and where will the signing take place so we can try and have a reporter there.

Dimwit on the phone: It's at 9 a.m. at the high school library. We're so excited. We've never had a player sign to walk on before!

Me: You say he's doing what?

Dimwit on the phone: He's signing to walk on.

Me: You mean he's not signing a letter of intent for a scholarship?

Dimwit on the phone: No, but we're holding a signing ceremony for him with cake and refreshments and we want all his family and the media to be there.

Me: Oh. So what exactly is he signing?

Dimwit on the phone: Oh, he's signing a nice certificate one of our art teachers designed on her computer.

Me: Oh, Ok. I'll be sure and see if we can have someone there.

Hang up. Roll eyes. Shake head. Pretend it never happened.

Sure enough the kid walks on, finds out he will be stomped into the ground and likely have a few broken bones if he wants to play Division I basketball and quits. He didn't make it two weeks of preseason practice before giving up. What a joke.

 

Is this a true story? Holy crap.

 

And the other thing: Having the "signing" at 8 a.m.

I know it's a school day and all, but if a kid is that involved in sports and the parent knows anything about the media, the parent should know that most sports media members work at night. If they get done at 11 p.m. or midnight, that means they have to get up early in the morning just to go to their little news conference.

Put it in the afternoon, or better yet, ask several editors when is the best time to contact them.

 

Wow. Running schedules and taking agate from local teams.

That's some Hitler of a sports editor you've got there.

 

That's a good one.

But it's funny how every school in the area will have a signing ceremony -- usually about the same time after school -- and they expect the local paper to show up for every one.

Yes, we have 86 reporters and we'll be there.