Dear dimwit on the phone

Three and you've got a deal.

 

the Britney/Brittney/Brittni/Britnee's of the world laugh at you

 

It's a tall order, but I'll try.

 

I actually saw one of these this morning that kind of amused me. The big-city paper near us ran two obits for the same guy. One listed his wife for 37 years, children and grandchildren, etc. the other listed his "soulmate" and one other child. Interesting.

 

How about Shawn, Chone, Shawne, Shaun and Sean? I'm sure I'm forgetting more.

 

There was one obit I saw last year. that mentioned a woman's "special friend". She had a short haircut and wore a lot of flannel.

 

Brittany's parents resent her exclusion, and you will be receiving a nasty letter, mister.

 

Megan, Meggan, Meagan, Meaghan, Mheagan, Megann, Magan, and Meg also have an opinion on it.

 

You can get an almost infinite number of variations of almost any name simply by adding an apostrophe somewhere in there.

 

My favorite name like that was J'Nathan. I guess they really hated Os

 

I am quite fond of adding a D' before everyone's name. Because of the 'D-uh' sound (I don't know what a linguist might call that), it works before a consonant and a vowel, making it both universal and wonderful.

 

I know of one West Coast paper where the same obit was rerun for four days because of errors. Finally someone suggested adding the tagline: "John Smith's obit runs in the Podunk Press Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays."