Dear dimwit on the phone

A few months ago, I was covering Dipstick High playing Dumbledore High in softball. They played before in a tournament hosted by Dumbledore High, with Dipstick's entire starting nine sitting out the game for, wait for it, prom.
Dumbledore run-rules Dipstick.

Parent (to person sitting next to them loudly so I can overhear): "I can't believe the PAPER had to put in there the only reason we beat them was they were missing their starting lineup. Unbelievable."

I didn't respond. I just : and walked away.

 

I remember that Dumbeldore team. They got killed by Malfoy Prep during states.

 

The fault there is the AD scheduling a game on prom night.

 

Sometimes they don't have a choice. When my oldest son was a senior, his prom was on a Friday night in early May. The school's baseball team had made it to the state finals, which were a Thursday, Saturday, Monday if necessary deal. They won the first game big, then had prom on Friday night. The opponent, smelling an opportunity, scheduled the second game for noon Saturday.

Meanwhile, back at the prom, my son reported -- with a great deal of amusement -- that most of the baseball team showed up at prom drunk on their asses. Then they had to get up early on Saturday morning, hungover, get on a big yellow for a two-hour bus ride and play baseball on a blistering hot afternoon. Needless to say, they lost big, then lost the Monday game at home. Ever since, the school has scheduled prom in mid-April, so it won't interfere with baseball playoffs.

 

"Prom is the biggest bleepin' waste of time," coach Smith muttered.

 

First off, the AD says, "Our kids are not available until 3 p.m..

But if they were drunk at the prom, they should have been suspended anyway, and it's their won fault they lost.

So nice of the school to accommodate them.

Understood on state finals, by the way (though proms here are a month before state finals.)

 

By the way, most of that is me speaking as a teacher, not a sportswriter.

And you kids get off my lawn.

 

A gentleman was transferred to my extension by a news-side editor. After giving me a painfully detailed description of the local small town he was calling from, he'd forgotten his question.

Finally, he remembered. "Who are the Jets going to start at quarterback?"

I'm not even sure Rex Ryan can answer that right now… and no, I can't ask him.

 

"Namath."

 

"Dick Wood"

 

But then the old man (or the ex-QB) might want to kiss me.

 

Tebow.