Dear dimwit on the phone

He's just being honest bro, don't be so uptight about being a fucking horrible person, no offense.

 

Usually, when when one says no offense, I should be offended. But none taken.

 

Got another "college scouts read our paper/website and our lack of prep coverage of this-and-that will cause kids to miss out on scholarships" complaint. Do these parents/grandparents of high school athletes truly believe in their hearts that this is how the athletic scholarship works?

 

I have gotten to the point where I openly scoff at the few people who dare to throw that weak cheese at me.

 

I point those people to my buddy, who works for National Scouting Report and I let him set them straight.

 

Dear soccer coach,
You know what would have been great to include in your rambling, 500-word email about your game on Saturday alongside the "both teams had plenty of chances" and "I'm very proud of my boys": the final score.

 

Means his team lost.

 

And there is a decent chance by double digits, even if it is soccer.

 

Probably. Every parent I've ever met overestimates their son/daughter's athletic and academic prowess. Besides, athletic scholarships are among the 10 dumbest things ever invented.

 

Got this random e-mail the other day:

"If you write about Podunk State volleyball, do not bother to even print it unless you mention Player Who Is One of Many and Sometimes Puts Up Good Numbers but Other Times Doesn't!!!"

The three exclamation points really got his/her point across.

 

I liked it better back in the old days, where you had to at least buy a stamp if you wanted to write an angry letter. Email is just too easy.

 

I have an option not to bother? I'll take that one.