Dear dimwit on the phone

I just wonder what sort of nonsense calls the publishers have to answer. Probably all this and worse.

 

Yep.

 

Dear golf mom,
We already did a story on little Billy committing to Ivy League School, which was pretty f*ing awesome, but truth be told, isn't it implied that by committing to the school he was accepted to the school? Why do I need to do another story on him being admitted?

 

Because the chances of him actually getting accepted were astronomically small?

 

Dear parent waiting to shop for this year's most popular toy a week before Christmas,

I apologize that we don't have the Zoomer robot dog in stock. We haven't had them since the sale two weeks ago. We sold out. No, we can't order from our warehouse, either. No, we can't order one on the website. Our company has absolutely none in stock. How do we know? Because we field this request at least four times a day. Every day we check, and it's just not happening. I'm sorry that you feel I've ruined your child's Christmas. Maybe you should get a jump on shopping next year to avoid this situation in the future.

 

C'mon. You know people don't plan in advance. They just expect you to solve all their problems.

 

He went to a pretty good private school and his GPA resembles the national debt, plus other factors. If this kid was borderline getting in, I don't think he gets the offer.

 

I believe Mark forgot the blue font.

 

Yeah, I should have seen the sarcasm. I also should have been more sarcastic in my response, but I was worried it would come off too racist.

 

Why didn't your company stock up for the Christmas rush?
Why did your company think the demand would end after your sale two weeks ago?

Why does your company think Christmas shopping would end three weeks before Christmas?
Maybe next year your company should get a jump on December.
You can make a lot more money when supply satisfies demand. Especially at Christmas.

A week before Christmas, customers should still have a shot.
Christmas Eve? ... No.

 

If I could answer any of those questions, I wouldn't be making minimum wage and on the verge of layoff next week. I'm merely the living cliche of the disabled retail store greeter.

 

Easy there, sport.