Dear dimwit on the phone

You would think they could standardize this stuff, but I guess not.

 

In softball that absolutely never made sense to me. Don't you want your pitcher in a rhythm? So why break that rhythm with a choreographed hand shake routine in the circle after every play?

 

And then they sing in the damn dugout. I thought choral class was 3rd period.

 

God, I hated the singing in the dugout. I especially found it funny that they would sing on very hot days. It's like, save your energy for the field, not for your singing.

 

Eh, it's teenage girls. What do ya expect?

 

A gap between their thighs...unless they play 1st base.

 

Got a couple I've been saving since football season.
E-mail from a parent:

For the record, Podunk was 4-5 to begin the playoffs. I picked Podunk to win the championship game, but it lost.

I really liked this one:
Caller: Your football district alignments are all screwed up. I'm not sure how you managed this, but you have Big City 1 and Big City 2 in the same district. They aren't in the same district. None of these districts are right.
Me: Sir, are you looking at the basketball districts or the football districts?
Caller: I'm looking at the football districts. They're completely wrong. You guys really gotta get your shit together.
Me: Sir, are you looking at the basketball districts in the third column? If you look in the column all the way to the right you will see our football districts.
Caller: Click.

 

Same for basketball, men's or women's.
High-fives after every free throw? Very lame.

 

And in basketball, men's and women's, huddling up every...damn...time there's a whistle. Foul. Huddle up for three seconds. Turnover. Huddle up for three seconds. Lining up for a free throw. Huddle up for three seconds. What's the point? What, exactly, is being communicated during those huddles?

 

Another e-mail from the archives where it's a personal slight against you if a media outlet doesn't give enough coverage to a sport you like more than others. He probably got offended that it wasn't on the front page and made no effort to look for it.

 

It generates a billion dollars because only billionaires give a damn

 

That last one is where I would have hit the call log for the caller ID and called him right back. "Hi sir, this is Wally Writer down at the bugle, and our call must have inadvertently been cut off. I think we were talking about us needing to get our stuff together and the football districts, right? Well, do you see them, in the column there all the way to the right?" ... "OK, so they are there? Anything else we need to get our stuff together about that's already in the paper correctly?"