Dear dimwit on the phone

bydesign's been a board regular for ages. And it's nice to know that dimwits exist all over the place. Let it go.

 

I rather enjoy how this thread deviates and dwells on a tangent, then disappears for a week and is resurrected by a fresh bit o' grousing.

 

I desire more stories regarding dimwits on the phone. This thread is always good for a laugh and considering I'm about five hours away from working for free the rest of the week, I could use one, so on with the show.

 

Yes, and it's not clear that bydesign's run-in was on the phone at all. That could be his most egregious sin.

 

Good point ace.

 

Only relates to journalism because I'm an unemployed journalist. Anyhoo:

Dear Fucking Scam Artist:

I know you're not representing a legitimate paycheck loan company. Because the same woman with the same foreign accent keeps calling me, even though she claims she's with a different company each time. Then, after I hang up, a guy with the same foreign accent calls, and takes his turn in trying to sell me an unsolicited paycheck loan.

When I tell her about how I'm on the Do Not Call list, she tells me to stop yelling and gets all insulted. Only thing is, I'm not even raising my voice, although I sure as hell want to tell her that if she or her man ever call me again, I will blast an air horn so loud in her ears that she will need a whole bunch of paycheck loans to pay for her new hearing aids.

Oh, and I get a ton of unsolicited e-mails, saying that there's millions of bucks waiting for me stashed in Nigeria, and that I've won British lotteries. In other words, you are not special by trying to offer me $400 bucks at 32 percent interest.

And on behalf of all the people that, unlike me, were desperate enough to fall for your scam, I sincerely hope that some day, the law will catch up to you and that you spend a considerable amount of time getting fucked up the ass in prison.

Sincerely,

A laid-off journalist who only wants his phone to ring if it is a prospective employer.

 

Why don't you just fuck with these people? Keep them on the phone for like an hour asking questions, make them flustered and then tell them you're not interested and hang up. Keep doing this and they'll eventually leave you alone.

Plus, bonus, screwing with people is awesome.

 

Because I don't have an hour to kill with these idiots.

 

Dear old woman trying to e-mail an obit,

Please don't send your obit randomly to one of the news reporters (who is off that day) and then call and wonder why it didn't run. When we tell you to send it to obits@ourpaper.com, don't argue the fact that "That website doesn't work."
It's not a website ma'am, it's a fricken e-mail address...it's the same thing as e-mailing to our journalist you sent it to. Yes, we can even let you know when we got it.
No dear, I don't care if people say it doesn't work. It does, we get e-mails all the time. You (and others) are just too stupid to understand the difference between a website and an e-mail address.
No, don't handwrite it and mail it in either! Um, no...the fax machine is "broken"...just e-mail it. Just let the fricken funeral home do it.
Please unplug your oxygen tank and follow the light. Make sure someone younger than you sends in your obit.

*Click*

 

Do you have 30 seconds to spare? Ask her if she shaves her nether region, but in much more graphic language.

I guaran-fucking-tee that shuts 'em up 100 percent of the time.

 

Dear mother of a backup lineman,

I'm sorry that you didn't appreciate the article I wrote that previewed your son's team because another player was named as a key player and your son wasn't. It's wonderful that your son played more than this other boy last year, but as you know, your team changed coaches this year and the new coach thinks the other boy is a better player. I can't help what his opinion is, and since you haven't played yet, I'm relying on him to give me a good idea of what to make of a team that's full of players who were on last year's JV team that I never saw.

Yes, your son was voted as offensive player of the week by his teammates in the next-to-last game of the season. I actually remember that game. Your coach decided that because it meant nothing (didn't affect the conference race at all) that he would get his backups some experience. You lost by 30 and scored one touchdown all night.

So no, I don't care that your son was honored by his teammates for being one of the better backups. I also don't care that his friend was named scout player of the week in a game last year, since that means he didn't play until my story was already written and just waiting for the game to go final.

I'm sorry you think leaving your son and his friend out of my preview was demoralizing and shameful, which will probably be a good way to describe their team's performance tonight.

 

If only you had covered the JV games, never saw your family and had no free time for yourself, this kid would've made the varsity and gotten a scholarship.
Way to ruin a life, NightHawk.