Dear dimwit on the phone

The guy at this paper before me didn't follow any sort of racing and the guys in the bowling league would turn in the names of NASCAR drivers so they could see them appear in local bowling agate.

I don't know if he ever realized it. I caught it the first time they tried it. Called the alley bowling center and said that if there are any other leagues doing that to tell them to cut it out or I wasn't going to print any results from that league at all.

Also, if any teams tried to slip a dirty team name past me, I'd call the alley bowling center and ask them what order they appeared on the league's list of teams. Thus, the "Chicks and Dicks" team appeared as "Team 9."

Now there isn't a bowling alley center at all here. It closed down when the insurance company denied payment when the roof was damaged after a snowstorm claiming that the roof showed signs of earlier damage. Don't miss it at all.

 

To be fair, it was from outside the area. Still doesn't mean I know how much it costs to sent a press release.

 

I remember back in the day having a hole in one faxed in. Had all the information, but the witnesses were something like Roy McAvoy, Danny Noonan and Ty Webb.

I called the course to ask what was going on, and the guy said, "Yeah, there weren't any witnesses, so he thought it would be funny to put those names in there. Just run it like that."

I blew a gasket. I said, "Yeah, it's going to be real funny when the guy's hole in one never gets in the paper. Don't ever bother us with a hole in one without witnesses, because in our world, there's no such thing. And if you ever pull this shit with trying to get 'funny' stuff in the paper like you're a 10-year-old looking for attention, not another fucking word from your course will ever get in print again. No golf tournaments, no clinics, no special deals, no holes in one, not a word. How funny do you think <club pro there that I knew> will find that?"

 

No, it's a sign of pure stupidity. Tell them to go back to school and graduate third grade.

 

One of our serial callers (he's such a big fan of sports he watches nothing but calls us every day) wanted to know who won the Kentucky Derby. I knew what he meant so I told him the Belmont winner without correcting him, but since he did ask specifically for the Kentucky Derby, should I have just told him California Chrome? ;D

 

Local baseball team has listed on their schedule a home game at 1:30 p.m. No one is at the field. Double-check schedule to confirm it says 1:30 p.m. at home. It does. Check team's Twitter page. It says the game is at 5 p.m.

Thanks for the heads up, team!

 

Yeah, these days you post something on Twitter or Facebook and some people assume the entire world will know.

 

It seems like just yesterday we were all bitching "Yeah, these days you post something on Facebook/MySpace/Online and some people assume the entire world will know."

 

Chicks and Dicks is not acceptable? I could see Chicks with Dicks not being OK, but what if it was a couple girls and a couple guys named Richard? Years ago during college summer baseball my buddy called in a game with Ron Jeremy as the losing pitcher and at least two other made up names. Have to see if he still has the clip.

 

I got fan mail this week, so I give credit to the dimwits who don't know the difference between a mediocre story done out of obligation and one which is actually good. (If only they'd CCed my boss! )

 

Forward it to your main sports e-mail, change the headers to make it look like it was sent there directly, then forward that to your boss from said sports e-mail. =D

 

And anything on Twitter can go worldwide in minutes.